Friday, December 30, 2011

Taking the risk to love again and again


If you've lost someone dear to you, you may have found special ways to stay connected with them.

The year following the death of my daughter was when I first began writing little inspirational books.
Looking back, I see how instrumental it was in my healing process. It was a way to stay connected to Jody. I wasn't ready to let her go. There were things I wanted to share with her so I wrote a little book called "Things I Want You to Know". "See You in My Dreams" is from that book.

                                     See You in My Dreams

 I always feared what life would be like without you. Having to face my worst fear has given me new strength and courage. I’ve learned to live bravely.

I took a lot of long walks in nature to soothe my grief. Somehow it brought me feel closer to you. Did you know that dragonflies come in a rainbow of colors? I once even held a butterfly on my finger. Was it you I held?

When you died, it was forced me to let others in. I became unraveled, needing help with even the smallest decisions. My walls of protection crumbled.

I finally moved near to the beach. Do you remember my dream of being close to the ocean? After you left, I put our home up for sale. I know you spent your childhood in that home; but don’t worry. I packed our memories and brought them with me.

Your laughter had a tinkling sound to it. It was infectious. It always made me laugh too. If I listen closely, I can still hear it.

Grief forced me to take off the mask that hid my pain from the world. All my life, I had created a false illusion of happiness. Now I’ve become more honest about my feelings and needs.

The pain of losing you brought me to my knees and closer to God.

Sometimes while I sleep, you visit me. At first, it was hard. Dreams of you made me weep with longing. But now it’s comforting. See you in my dreams.
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Taken in North Port at a community garden.

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The best remedy for those who are afraid, lonely or unhappy is to go outside, somewhere where they can be quiet, alone with the heavens, nature and God. Because only then does one feel that all is as it should be and that God wishes to see people happy, amidst the simple beauty of nature.   Anne Frank


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"Though I've been hurt, I take risks to love again and again"

2 comments:

  1. i have always told you how jody's death was when i was actually able to cry again....reading this today helped me to find those same tears...i cannot even begin to imagine the pain of losing a daughter even though i was there with you my heart will not let me go there! but i can tell you that reading this today helped me - again - find my tears and watching you and living with you gives me such inspiration! you are an amazing woman, a force to be reckoned with, i am will be forever grateful that God has graced my life with you! i love you from the bottom of my heart and with all that i am xoxo

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  2. Thank you Lori for your love and support. I'm grateful for you too. Love you back.

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