Sunday, January 25, 2015

A bruised heart

Sometimes the relationship with our mothers have been complex, especially when we were young. For some, there comes a time when it's crucial to take the arduous journey inward to heal a bruised heart. I felt disconnected from my mom as a child. Though mom did her best, nurturing wasn't her strength. It wasn't until I was pregnant with my first child that our relationship started to blossom. As an adult, I felt loved by my mom. As a child, I felt abandoned. I'm sure maturity had a lot do with opening up to her. I not only learned to accept her for who she was, but I really enjoyed her company.

Even though mom and I had reached a place where we had a good relationship, there came a time when it was crucial for my well-being, to go back and explore my childhood. I will tell you that healing my mother stuff was harder than my father wounds. I had to re-connect with the little girl in me who stilled longed for comfort and safety. I had buried that need very deeply. It took some digging. Initially I felt like I was betraying her for going to therapy and talking about her, though she never knew about it. In opening up this old hurt that I unknowingly still carried throughout my life, I was able to come full circle. I found peace, compassion, forgiveness and closure.

I've find that women who still have deep mother wounds are sometimes the hardest women to connect with. When a child's heart is broken, often the child puts a shield of protection around it. It's understandable! But in adulthood, the protection becomes a wall...a barrier that keeps others from getting too close. It blocks them from the experience of love. It's very important to heal this wound. We aren't meant to live as broken children. Love is the lesson we're all here to learn.