Choosing Safe People

 It has taken me many years to begin to understand what a safe relationship actually looks like.

Because when you grow up with fear, uncertainty, or emotional instability, you can become accustomed to it.

You learn to read people.

To anticipate.

To adjust.

To work harder.

And sometimes you choose people who feel familiar rather than people who feel safe.

I chose some of the wrong people because, in a strange way, they were what I knew.

I didn’t have a clear understanding of what safety in a relationship felt like.

Through lots of painful, now I know..

Safe doesn’t mean perfect.

It means I can be myself.

I can speak honestly.

I don’t have to walk on eggshells.

Choosing safe people today is part of healing the nervous system.

Today I can discern who is healthy and who is not. 

I feel protective of myself and my little girl.

Where Does My Little Girl Still Live?

 Where does my little girl still live?

To my surprise, I’ve learned that she still lives in my nervous system.

What about you?

Have you ever stopped to wonder where your little girl might still live inside you?

Inner-child work has been amazing for me. It has helped me heal so many things—the shame, the unworthiness, the guilt, and the beliefs I carried about myself for so many years.

But does that mean my little girl is gone?

No.

She’s still here.

She’s the part of me that learned to control things in an attempt to feel safe.

She still has fears that haven’t been completely resolved.

She still watches and worries.

She still wants to know that everything is going to be okay.

And I’m discovering that healing isn’t necessarily about getting rid of her.

Maybe it’s about understanding her more deeply.

Listening to her.

Learning where the fear still lives.

And teaching her, little by little, that she doesn’t have to run my life anymore.

I’m still working on those deep fears.

And perhaps that’s another part of the journey—not fixing my little girl, but helping her discover that she is finally safe enough to let go.

Living in the Mystery

 I look back today and can see how much of my life I tried to control.

I thought control would keep me safe.

But underneath all that control was a frightened little girl.

The adult in me eventually learned how to make good, healthy decisions. I learned how to take care of myself, how to make choices, and how to navigate life.

But that little girl was still there.

Still watching.

Still anticipating.

Still wanting to know what was coming next.

And now I find myself in a completely different chapter.

A place where so much is unknown.

Where everything can feel fragile.

I don’t have the answers I once thought I needed to have.

I can’t see very far ahead.

And maybe that is the mystery.

Maybe life was never meant to be completely figured out.

For so long, I believed that if I could just understand enough, plan enough, prepare enough, and control enough, I could finally feel safe.

But perhaps safety isn’t found in knowing what comes next.

Perhaps it is found in knowing that I can meet whatever comes next.

I don’t know what this chapter will bring.

And for the first time, I’m trying not to force an answer.

I’m just now learning to live in the mystery.

To breathe.

To trust.

To take today as it comes.

Love Wins

 Can you think of something you really wanted to do, but fear got in the way?

That’s how I sometimes feel about doing the inner work.

It can be deeply challenging.

And somehow, at the same time, deeply rewarding.

Just when I thought I had learned how to love and care for my little girl, I discovered there was another layer.

She wasn’t only living in my memories.

She was still living in my nervous system.

And that has brought some new challenges.

I’m not going to say it’s fun.

Being in pain is never fun.

But once again, I believe that pain has something to teach me.

Perhaps this is another opportunity to meet my little girl with compassion instead of fear.

Another opportunity to teach her that she doesn’t have to be perfect.

That she doesn’t have to earn safety.

That she doesn’t have to be afraid of punishment.

I don’t know exactly where this journey is taking me.

I don’t have all the answers.

But I know something I’ve learned over and over again:

Fear may get loud.

Pain may get loud.

But in the end,

love always wins.

Teaching the Body Safety

 I’ve worked on healing my little girl for many, many years.

So much has changed.

The shame.

The guilt.

The feelings of worthlessness.

The beliefs I was taught as a child that I now know were never true.

I’ve changed the stories.

But here’s the catch.

I’m beginning to understand that trauma isn’t only something we remember with our minds. The nervous system can learn patterns of protection, and those patterns can continue long after the original danger is gone.

I had no idea this was possible until a few months ago.

I’m learning about the relationship between the brain, the nervous system, and pain. And I’m beginning to understand that the nervous system can play a powerful role in how we experience physical pain, as well as emotional experiences like anxiety and fear.

This has changed the way I look at healing.

 My body needs something different now.

Safety.

It’s time to teach my nervous system that I am safe.

Not by forcing it.

Not by arguing with it.

Not by demanding that it heal.

But gently.

Patiently.

Over and over again.

You are safe now.

You are not that little girl anymore.

The danger has passed.

You don’t have to brace anymore.

Maybe this is where freedom begins.

Not in making the past disappear.

But in teaching the body that it doesn’t have to keep living there.