What is fierce grace?

 

 

Grace doesn't always come in ways we would expect. When we experience an act of kindness from someone right at the moment we are in need of it, we know it's grace. But there is also the kind of grace that comes from being broken open. This could mean illness, loss, confusion, despair... Sometimes we aren't willing to change until we've been brought to our knees. When grace is fierce, it smashes through our denial. Before grace, we are captive to fear. We mask it with behaviors like pride, arrogance, rigidness... After grace, we soften, become more open-minded and relinquish defeating behaviors.

Feeling connected

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When we allow ourselves to judge, blame, or practice a belief system that subscribes to guilt and punishment, our hearts are forced to live on a battleground. In taking responsibility for our part in things and no longer seeing ourselves as victims, in forgiving ourselves and others and by practicing compassion, our hearts will flourish and we will have put an end to the idea of separation...

Home is where we plant our heart

 

Many of us hide the parts of ourselves that we're ashamed of. We diminish who we are by becoming someone we're not. The persona I adopted at a young age was Ms. Nice Girl. I mastered my disguise so well that even I believed it. I put a smile on my pain and swallowed my feelings until my gut ached. But there came a day when I could no longer live a lie. The pain and emptiness I felt inside myself brought me to my knees. In surrendering myself to truth and the healing process, I began the journey home...

Our life lessons

 

We all get life lessons, whether we choose to acknowledge them or not. If we ignore them, they will reappear. Some people think they have bad luck. Not true! What they see as bad luck is actually the lesson they've been ignoring, popping up again. Reminder: lessons are gifts meant to enrich our lives by teaching us things such as forgiveness (especially for ourselves), making better choices, learning to love ourselves and sometimes our lessons force us into dealing with the emotional baggage we have cleverly buried from sight.

The best is yet to come

 

As women, we tend to put more focus on others than taking care of ourselves. We do it for various reasons: our upbringing, what society expects of us and because we're nurturers. We also do it for other reasons (whether we are aware of it or not): issues with unworthiness, a deterrent from looking at things we don't want to deal with, and an attempt to feel secure by being needed. In other words, we hustle for love and approval. To turn things around, we first learn to love ourselves (at least a little bit).

Making new dreams

 For a woman to claim her power, she makes peace with sorrow, broken dreams, dashed hopes and what she thought her life would be. Her aches and bruises heal, she creates new dreams, and other than her most cherished memories, she no longer holds unto the past.

A new rule book

 

I spent a lot of my life...

trying to color inside the lines,

ignoring the God-given gift called "intuition",

playing by rules that make no sense to my soul,

pleasing others rather than taking care of myself,

making myself small so others won't feel threatened.

And in the process, I lost myself...

But when I got sick and tired of the old rule book,

I threw it out and wrote a new one that goes like this...

I am kind to myself,

I don't care to be perfect,

I trust what my gut tells me,

and I let myself shine...

Things I've Learned

 

My daughter, Jody

I've learned that life is fragile, often messy, unpredictable, and gut-wrenchingly hard at times... 

I've also learned that no matter what life brings, it's up to me what I do with pain, hurt, loss...

I can choose to see the glass as half-empty or half-full...

I can feel victimized by my circumstances or find the gifts...

I can find the courage to look pain in the face or run from it...

I can look for something to fill in the missing pieces of my heart so that I won't have to feel the emotional insecurity that comes from losing so much family, especially a child... or build a strong foundation within myself so that I feel at peace with the emptiness...

This month marks 17 years since my daughter Jody, died...

I'm always reminded, especially around the holidays, that my parents, my brother, and my grandparents are gone too...

What I know to be true about loss is that pain heals, life goes on, and in-between the sorrow, joy continues to be woven into the threads of life...

Looking for the good

 There are moments when we must let go. Sometimes we choose to release our grip, and other times we are blindsided and have no choice. I've come to a place of surrender many times in my 26 years of recovery. Just this past year my son and grandchildren moved to another state. My health issues remain undiagnosed despite more than 4 years of testing and specialists.  My partner broke his back, along with having cognitive issues. I've become his caretaker when he used to be my rock. My sense of safety and family feels more fragile than it's ever been. Then there's the pandemic which changed all of our lives and a fierce hurricane ripped through my area just a few days ago. Feels like a wrecking ball is demolishing what used to be. However, there is a strength and determination in me that I never knew I possessed. I believe it exists in everyone. We may not know it until we are tested. And there is always a silver lining. We should avoid feeling like a victim and instead, look for gifts that every experience is bringing us...

The Tree of Life

This beautiful old oak tree is the reason I bought the house I live in. This view is out my front window. Having lost my daughter in 2006, this tree (I called it the "tree of life") represented that life goes on and we must rebuild again and again when tragedy interrupts our lives, sometimes in a profoundly difficult way. The tree has been a source of comfort but we just went through a horrific hurricane and as you can see, the tree has been uprooted. It not only uprooted the tree but mirrored parts of myself that once again, was being uprooted and moving me towards rebuilding my life in new ways. Perhaps my source of comfort should just be God. It's only been a couple days so I will give deep thought...

 

Healing fear

 

When you surrender everything, there will be nothing to lose. 

When you have nothing to lose, you will no longer be afraid. 

When you're no longer afraid, the world will belong to you.

A Soulful Life

 I’m going to be sharing some passages from my book called A Soulful Life which is available on Amazon. Here’s an example today… “We put our energy into chasing happiness when it is already in our nature to be content, grateful, peaceful… We are forced to chase external happiness when our true source of joy, which lies within us, is buried beneath our wounds.”

Beyond what our minds can grasp

There is a world beyond the world. A world we’re not able to see with our limited minds. A world of infinite possibilities. What does this mean? It means that when we operate from our soul, there is an infinite vastness beyond anything we could imagine. We think we know so much but there’s so much we don’t know. It helps to keep an open mind and let go of limiting beliefs. For today, trust that the universe has your back and there’s a beautiful world out there waiting to be explored…

Meeting our inner child

 We all have a child in us who may have experienced some trauma. When there’s childhood trauma and there is no one to safely process the experience with, we have no choice but to shove it down. It’s not uncommon for people to think that the past is over and it doesn’t affect our lives today but nothing could be more false. Our trauma wounds bleed into all our relationships, all our thoughts and how we view life. We may feel victimized, abandoned, needy, angry, sad or various other feelings that we don’t understand. Have you met your little girl? Feel free to leave your comments below...

Learning to accept ourselves

It has taken me years to realize that the person I thought I was, was not me. It was the good little girl who just wanted everybody to be happy and who was hungry for love and acceptance. It was a set up for a lot of pain. Trying to be someone I wasn't, was exhausting. And feeling like it was my responsibility to make people happy was what lead me deeper into codependency. What about you? Do you feel safe to be you? Do you feel worthy of love without having to earn it? Feel free to leave your comments below. Would love to hear pieces of your story too...

Finding our tribe

 Why is it so important to find your tribe of women who get you? Here's a piece of my story... For most of my life, I felt a loneliness that never seemed to go away. It started in childhood, probably a result of feeling disconnected from the other family members in the house. I was the sensitive child living in an environment that never felt safe. Then the feelings of isolation and self-preservation spilled over into my adult life. Early on, I adopted the role of being the "caretaker/codependent". The problem was that I was too wounded to know what I needed, let alone others. It's been a journey finding the missing pieces of myself. But thankfully, recovery gave me a safe place to begin to heal and in essence, no longer feeling alone...

Life may not be as simple as we think

 

If you have the belief that being the "good girl" is going to keep your life from getting messy or a hall pass to avoid your life lessons, not true. Life will always surprise us. Sometimes there are unexpected joyful surprises and other times we may find ourselves lying on the cold bathroom tile floor with our hearts broken open. I thought that if I tried to always do the right thing that I would be exempt from suffering but I've since learned that it's not so. Pain and suffering has paid me a visit many times. Through pain, I've learned to gather the gifts and do my best to surrender rather than struggle. These can be an opportunity for growth. Don't let your mind play the victim story. Dig for courage and strength. Remember: YOU CAN DO THE HARD THINGS, BRAVE ONES... And that being the "good girl" is a set-up for being someone else's doormat...

Zoom Classes (Codependency, Inner Child, etc...)

If you would like to try one of my free zoom classes, you can find me in one of my Facebook groups such as Codependent No More - Support Group for Women (To Find Click here) ... Under the guidelines in each group (there are 11), you will also see a list of all my classes which are held 3x's a day

Another new book

 The new adult coloring is finished. You can find it on Amazon...

A new book

 The newest book " Be the Hero in Your Story" is published and available on Amazon. A fun book loaded with drawings, quotes, inspirational messages...

Being your truest self

She came home to who she was. 

She let go of everything that didn't align with who she was. 

She no longer wore a mask...

Learning to chill

Have you ever stopped and got quiet enough to observe the things in your life that cause you stress? Here are a few things that I find stressful: Large crowds, loud noises, trying to fix others, getting into other peoples's business, people pleasing, worrying, pushing myself too hard, putting too much on my plate...

Fierce grace

                                  It is often pain that is the catalyst for change...

Lessons of the heart

When it comes to lessons of the heart, sometimes these lessons are riddled with pain and loss. In my case, it was my daughter who taught me about the purest love and the deepest sorrow. Jody died in 2006 from an accidental prescription overdose. Through the process of grief, I found forgiveness not only for the doctors who supplied her with drugs, but for everyone including myself, who enabled her. I made a decision 

not to let blame rent space in my head, otherwise my heart would harden. I was left to put the broken pieces of my life together. I made conscious decision to mend my heart with love, compassion and forgiveness. All that remains of the past are cherished memories and the peace beyond understanding...

In the deep recess of our soul

 "There is a silence into which the world can not intrude" - A Course in Miracles - 

Dark night of the soul

The purification process is a confusing time where the ego is losing control over us. We are used to depending on it for our sense of self. It can be uncomfortable however it forces us to move closer to our soul which is the real journey...