Without faith and spiritual guidance, we're like children who have lost their way in the forest. We go through life feeling anxious, doubtful, clingy, afraid. We attempt to manage the fear by depending on others for our sense of security or we find ways to numb ourselves. Though our ways don't work, we're too proud to ask for guidance or admit that we need help. Self-will only leads us deeper into the forest.
I spent a big portion of my life disconnected from myself emotionally, spiritually, and physically. Today, a diet of pizza and hot dogs has become more of an occasional guilty pleasure. Spirituality has become one the biggest components to my life. And as far as physically, I listen to what my body asks of me. It loves to stretch and walk. Many years ago, I started yoga and still practice it today. Don't think that these changes came easily. They didn't. I was stubborn, but now I understand that I was really just afraid of change and loss of control. It took a lot of painful life lessons to awaken the sleeping parts of myself. I’ve had years of learning to surrender my will, my rigid ideas and my unhealthy behaviors.
Overcoming codependency can be a painful process as well as freeing. The past few years has been a lot of letting go for me. Letting go of attachment to things, situations, and people. I used to find things that would deflect my pain (emotional and physical) But nothing works anymore. I can’t deflect, ignore or stuff down feelings. It feels like a crucifixion of sorts. Reminds me of Jesus going through tremendous pain on the cross, but on the other side of the pain, He rose. And so can we. Though letting go is uncomfortable, it’s the path to freedom…
We all get life lessons, whether we choose to acknowledge them or not. If we ignore them, I can promise you that they will continue to reappear. Some people think they have bad luck, but that's not really true. What they see as bad luck is actually the lesson they've been ignoring, popping back up again.
No one likes to talk about addiction or alcoholism.... It's a messy, shameful topic, but nonetheless, but most of us have been affected by this disease in some way or another, whether we want to admit it or not.
There were years that I felt very lonely, especially in my teen years. No matter what I did, I couldn’t make that feeling go away so I suffered in silence. I didn’t even tell my best friend or any of my family how I felt. It was my painful secret. It wasn’t until I found recovery that I began to feel a sense of belonging. Imagine my surprise when I heard people sharing things in meetings that I could relate to. They spoke in a language I understood. Feeling that sense of belonging though, took time. I had a lot of work to do, especially when it came to shame and self hatred. But what I know to be true today is that all things can be healed with the help of the program and God. Will be internally grateful that recovery gave me a life more beautiful than I could’ve ever imagined.
