|making Xmas ornaments...|
"The hardest thing on earth is choosing what matters"
- Sue Monk Kidd
I have spent a lot of time this holiday thinking about my mom and how grateful I am for things she taught me...things that I had previously judged her for.
Mom wasn't a people-pleaser. She did what felt right for her. It takes great courage, especially for women, to be true to themselves. Most of us were taught to please others first. Even as mom neared death, she made her own decisions. She did not listen to the doctors who wanted to get more aggressive with treating her lung cancer. She told me that she had lived her life fully, done everything she wanted to do, and now she was ready to go. Even in death, she left her wishes...no funeral, no fuss...
There have been many things I didn't understand about mom that I do now. I not only understand her, but have great respect for her ability to be authentic. Mom wasn't fake. She said what she felt. She did what she wanted. I thought she was being selfish, but she was actually practicing good self-care.
I think about all the years I've wasted trying to be someone I am not...not having the strength or courage to be more real...how I denied myself so much because guilt infected my decision-making. I put more focus on getting acceptance from others than I did listening to my inner needs. What was I thinking????
My goal for 2014 is to continue to work at claiming my authentic self...to stop all people-pleasing...to accept myself...my uniqueness...my wishes and desires...my right to live a life that feels right for me...to make decisions that embody self-care.
Although my mom is not here, she will be my role model. Thank you, mom!!!
Happy Holidays to everyone.