No guarantees

 

The process of letting go and sitting in the emptiness these past months has been uncomfortable, but not without blessings. It has gifted me with awareness. Some revelations have felt good, others have brought me to my knees.

Here's some of them:

I found shame I didn't know I was carrying. 

I discovered how much I still expected of myself.
 

I was putting too much energy into what others needed.

I was overly concerned with what others thought of me.

I wasn't as okay with making mistakes as I thought I was.

Because of this experience, things have changed:

I've surrendered my attachment to people and things.

I've surrendered my attachment to outcomes.

Though I'm still not comfortable with the stillness, I am adjusting.

There is more space in my life for me, which was scary at
first since I was still relying on others to fill the empty space.

I am clueless about what the future holds so I have surrendered
to living in the mystery instead of looking for guarantees.

*****