When it comes to surrender, I have learned that we can’t force it.
We can talk about it, read about it, and try to practice it. We can tell ourselves to let go and stop trying to control everything.
But sometimes, knowing we need to surrender and actually being able to do it are two very different things.
Through trial and error, I have discovered something about myself. I usually have to reach a breaking point before I am truly ready to let go.
The pain has to become great enough.
I wish there were a softer way. I wish I could recognize when I am holding on too tightly and simply loosen my grip before things become so difficult.
But that hasn’t always been my experience.
Surrender happens I am finally willing to stop fighting what I cannot control.
I think about how often we resist letting go. We want to be certain. We want relief. We want to know that everything will be okay before we loosen our grip.
But surrender asks us to release some of that need for certainty.
It asks us to acknowledge that we don’t have all the answers and that we cannot control every outcome.
For me, reaching that place has often come through pain.
I wish it didn’t have to be that way. But I am learning not to judge myself for the way my process unfolds.
Perhaps the important thing is not how I arrive at surrender, but what becomes possible when I get there.
Whatever brings me to that place of letting go, I am willing to meet it with compassion.
I don’t have to do this perfectly.
I just have to keep learning.
And if pain has been the doorway to surrender for me, then I can honor what I have learned without believing that I must always suffer to find my way there.
