Wednesday, August 28, 2013

Ms. Nice Girl

 

Most of have an impostor in us whether we're aware of it or not. We hide the parts of our self we think aren't acceptable. But it diminishes who we really are. We become someone were not.
 
The impostor I adopted for myself at a young age was Ms. Nice Girl. Ms. Nice Girl hides her true feelings...she's smiles a lot, appearing so accepting of everything...even when she's feels harmed. 

A new revelation is coming to me... I'm describing my dad - Mr. Nice Guy (he was generous with others). Dad always had this great big grin on his face. It's generally what people remembered about him...his wonderful smile. But hidden away was something he didn't show the world- his temper. There was a raging inferno in my father. When his anger got triggered, he lost control. And when he lost control, he abused his children. He took his rage out on us. 

I followed dad's footsteps with the abuse, only I did it to myself. I made everyone else more important than me which meant I made excuses for people when they caused me harm.

One of the hardest parts of myself that I've had to recover is my anger. I never thought I had the right to be angry even when someone hurt me. That's my Ms. Nice Girl.

Well, you know the saying "when you know better, you do better". I know better now. Ms. Nice Girl has taken early retirement...

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“Like a Columbus of the heart, mind and soul I have hurled myself off the shores of my own fears and limiting beliefs to venture far out into the uncharted territories of my inner truth, in search of what it means to be genuine and at peace with who I really am. I have abandoned the masquerade of living up to the expectations of others and explored the new horizons of what it means to be truly and completely me, in all my amazing imperfection and most splendid insecurity.”  
Anthon St. Maarten

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