Thursday, July 23, 2015

In the flow of things



It takes a great commitment to find one's true self. Last June I had a spiritual experience. In that experience, I met the person that I had the potential to be if I didn't make choices based on fear. In that beautiful experience I felt only joy, confidence, and excitement. I made some big decisions during that time because I had no fear of taking risks. It was amazing! After the experience, I saw there was a huge contrast between my authentic self and the fearful self. I've spent this past year working to align myself with the woman I met in the Vortex (the spiritual experience)...

Without a doubt, fear has had a clever grip on me all my life. I became who I thought people would accept. I put unrealistic expectations on myself so it forced me to become someone I wasn't. Initially, after the Vortex, I fell into a pool of shame. It took months to clean it out. But after it was cleaned out, a new rhythm took hold of my life... a rhythm I trust so much that I released all resistance and surrendered my will to it. I know without a doubt, the rhythm is God bringing me back to who I am...

I have a deep sense of peace and wellness today. I have my health back (which is a miracle in itself). I feel better physically than before I was diagnosed with FMS. I now see that living as an imposter robbed me more than just spiritually. It made me physically sick too. I don't know where life is taking me next, but what I do know is that each day the flow brings me closer to home...

God is always trying to re-direct us back to who we are. But fear causes resistance. You may be afraid that you will have to give up the things you are overly attached to (things you've used to falsely identity yourself). You may fear having to give up control. And you're right, you'll have to! What is God's role in your life if you're not willing to listen and take direction? Unless you surrender and step deeper into faith, you will continue to walk a path that isn't even yours...

*****


2 comments:

  1. It hit me today...wow I understand why people choose denial over the truth. It seems like the easier way, though I know it is not, fear tries to convince me otherwise. The more real parts of myself I find inside, the more I know I need to change things outside, which basically consists of relationships with people. Realizing I've kept quiet and gone along with things never even questioning if they felt right or true for me, never wanting to rock the boat. So the more the truth wants out, the more fear I have to walk through, fear I won't be liked, fear I'll make a fool of myself, fear I'll make people mad, fear of the unknown...and all this is really just one big fear that I will be left all alone. I should know from all the times of walking through things I never thought I could that the end result is always amazing, but part of me still wants to run. To where though? I can't go back knowing everything I know, I have to move forward. It is also showing me where I'm lacking in trust and faith. It's easy to say I believe everything is going to work out, everything is going to be ok, but do I believe that with all my heart? Still doubts in there for sure. Thank you for sharing your truth today, gives me so much inspiration and hope in a time when I feel like I'm questioning everything.

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  2. What a beautiful way you have of expressing your truth...and what you said is right. The deeper we step on this path, the more real we become. And the more real we become, the more things change. It can be scary at time, but continue to trust that the outcome far outweighs the pain of living in denial. Your future is as bright as the sky on a sunny day...

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