There are some big changes taking place in my life at the moment. They're the kind of changes that are sometimes confusing and frightening for me and probably others too, yet I know they are right...
Since I was young, I have been a rescuer. I felt scared, alone, and shy as a child. Looking back, I know the way I coped with my pain was to hide it, and focus on others. I was always the first one to reach out if someone was hurting. Trying to fix other people's pain was how I unknowingly and unsuccessfully tried to fix my own. Making people feel good became a big part of my identity...what made me feel good about me...
I stopped fixing people (with the help of Alanon) some time ago, but the challenge I'm facing now is that there is still a young girl in me who is clinging to her old identity/her source of her worthiness...
I have to keep working at prying fear's grip on me so I will stay true to myself...
The truth I've discovered is that I just want to teach. Making others happy is not the right fit anymore. Though I am frightened by this change, I know deep in my soul, it's healthy and good. What I feel passionate for, has nothing to do with my identity. It's a pure desire to teach something that I believe in with all my heart... the healing work... the work that turned my life into a miracle...
So I'm moving forward...
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