Jody's smile could light up a room, but Jack...I think he was talking...probably telling me again for the hundredth time that he doesn't like having his pic taken...
I wrote this to my daughter Jody, after she died (Dec. 30th 2006) and shared it on my blog last year. Today I found out that a friend of mine lost someone she loved yesterday so I felt this would be a good time to share my letter again as a reminder that though life is forever changing, love lives on forever in our hearts....
*****
See You in My Dreams
I always feared what life would be like without you. Having
to face my worst fear has given me new strength and courage. I’ve learned to live
bravely.
I took a lot of long walks in nature to soothe my
grief. Somehow it brought me feel closer to you. Did you know that dragonflies come
in a rainbow of colors? I once even held a butterfly on my finger. Was it you I
held?
When you died, it was forced me to let others in. I became
unraveled, needing help with even the smallest decisions. My walls of
protection crumbled.
I finally moved near to the beach. Do you remember my
dream of being close to the ocean? After you left, I put our home up for sale. I
know you spent your childhood in that home; but don’t worry. I packed up our
memories and brought them with me.
Your laughter had a tinkling sound to it. It was
infectious. It always made me laugh too. If I listen closely, I can still hear
it.
Grief forced me to take off the mask that hid my pain
from the world. All my life, I had created a false illusion of happiness. Now I’ve
become more honest about my feelings and needs.
The pain of losing you brought me to my knees and closer
to God.
Sometimes while I sleep, you visit me. At first, it
was hard. Dreams of you made me weep with longing. But now it’s comforting. See
you in my dreams.
*****
We must embrace pain and burn it as fuel for our journey.
~Kenji Miyazawa
