For the next couple of weeks I'll be sharing pages from one of my gift books "The Gift of Change". I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I did creating it.
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The Gift of Change (Introduction)
It’s been almost
fifteen years since I first began stumbling down the path towards recovery. I use
the word “stumbling” because I felt like a toddler when I first began. Everything
I was about to learn was very foreign to me. It was a whole new way of life.
What led me to this new
path was the anguish I felt inside myself. It brought me to my knees in prayer
to ask for help in a way that I had never done before.
My
spirit had been crushed as a child. I learned at a young age to suppress my
natural feelings. I was raised in a time where children’s voices went unheard
and punishment was used to break one’s spirit. Fear forced me into a belief
system that reflected the beliefs of my wounded parents. I lost my way in the
world.
As I
grew into adulthood, I became a people-pleaser. I never learned to trust my own
instincts and my self-esteem was low. I didn’t feel like I fit in. There was a emptiness
in me that I felt often.
Finding
ways to be happy became harder. The choices I made for myself were not always
healthy ones. A dark hole in me ached with longing for something to fill the
emptiness with. Eventually, I tried numbing myself in various harmful ways only
making things worse. It took me several years to reach a bottom and surrender
my will. Today my life is blessed because I did.
The
best thing that could have ever happened to me was to sink as low as I could
go. The pain motivated me to reach out for help and become teachable. I won’t
tell you that climbing back up from the trenches I fell into was easy. I had a
lot to learn.
There
were many lessons along the way. But over time, a transformation began to take
place.
This
morning I decided to challenge my body and jog instead of my usual walk. It was
freeing to know that I could still run even though I hadn’t run in years. The
process of healing is similar. You have to be willing to challenge your
spiritual muscles, in order to grow. You have to do the things you think you
can’t, such as facing your fears, healing the past, and finding a healthy
belief system.
It’s
my desire to share with you the things that have changed in me, in hopes that it
inspires you to keep reaching for your best life. I believe that God dreams
bigger dreams for us than we do for ourselves. May you surrender to receiving
the riches you deserve.
as she faced difficult challenges.
When she reached the other side,
she had outgrown her cocoon
to become a beautiful butterfly.
*****
will continue on tomorrow's post
