Falling from grace

 

If someone puts you on pedestal or you're putting someone there, know that it's a recipe for disaster. Sitting on a pedestal is a matter of making others happy by meeting their expectations. On the pedestal, someone is elevated to a level of perfectionism that isn't realistic. Basically, it's ego playing out the role of being better than or less than.

 

Either way, the illusion of the hero will eventually be shattered. Any relationship built on falsehood, will not be sustainable.

 

Don't fill an empty void in you with fairy tales. See others for who they really are, then decide how you feel about them. And always be yourself so that you attract people who are genuine in their affection for you.
 

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Self-honesty

Do you believe you deserve love, prosperity, and good health? 
Take a moment to look closely at your life.

Here's some questions to help:

Do you feel loved just for being you without giving or doing things for others?
Do you have a good relationship with money or do you often worry about it? 
Are you healthy? Do you take good care of yourself?
Sometimes our truth is different than what we'd like to believe.
But it's most helpful when we are real with ourselves.
We then, can impliment the changes we want to happen.

*****

Being authentic

 

Are you your own person? 

 Here are some clues to help identify dependency issues:
 

Overly concerned when someone doesn't agree with you.

Fail to complain when your boundaries are crossed.

Give out compliments so others will like you.

Offering insincere apologies as a way to keep peace.

Change your position when it doesn't agree with the majority.

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Hustling for love

 

It's vital that we examine our lives with honestly.

There is nothing empowering about lying to ourselves.

 

Are you performing for approval or are you being authentic?

Do you have the courage to let people see who you really are or do hide parts of yourself?

Do you have an attachment to what others think of you or are you free of concern?

Do you monitor your words or speak from your heart?

 Do you have a fear of hurting others so you swallow your own feelings...

 or do you trust that others can manage their feelings?

 Are you brave enough to stand up for what you believe in or do you go with the crowd?

Do you try to be everything to everybody or do you put yourself first?

Do you think enough of yourself to stop all this insanity or...

 do you feel so unworthy that you are willing to sell yourself short?

 

*****

“A woman in harmony with her spirit
is like a river flowing.
She goes where she will without pretense

and arrives at her destination
prepared to be herself
and only herself ”  

 

― Maya Angelou

 

 

A bit of inspiration

 

“We delight in the beauty of the butterfly,

but rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that beauty.”  

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“There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.”  

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“You may not control all the events that happen to you,

but you can decide not to be reduced by them.”  

*****

 

“Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult,

but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing...”  

 

― Maya Angelou 

 

*****

 

Being yourself

If you don't know who you are,
you may have to coax your authenticity...
 to come out of hiding.

*******

You live...sheltered, in a delicate world, and you believe you are living.
Then you read a book… or you take a trip…
and you discover that you are not living, that you are hibernating.

― Anaïs Nin, The Diary of Anaïs Nin

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Through a vortex

 

Let me first say for those who may read this and think I'm a little nuts, I completely understand. I might be thinking that too, if it were you writing this blog.

Six months ago, I had a crazy, exciting, whirl-wind experience. The only way to describe is that I felt myself energetically being pulled through a vortex...some kind of chute...like a birthing canal....at a very fast pace. It's not the first time I've had a spiritual experience so I wasn't frightened when it was happening. It lasted about a week. In that short time, my whole life shifted drastically in a direction I could have never predicated. 

After the vortex experience was over, I was not only frightened by the new changes, but it also kicked up shame. I've spent the last six months praying, processing, doing my shame work, trying to adjust, and living with a lot of uncertainty and confusion. I lost all sense of being grounded or feeling safe. I had moments when I lost my faith.

The biggest question I would ask myself was "is this a blessing?". It was hard to see the gifts in it. But now I can honestly say, I am certain that it was the best thing that could have ever happened. Here's why; the freedom I felt as I was going through the vortex opened up a new world for me. It expanded me! My tendency is to suppress my feelings, shrink my desires, live small, and to make do with what I have. But those beliefs no longer fit the future I intend to create. I don't know what's ahead, but I know for sure it won't be resembling the past.

I don't believe the vortex experience was just a gift for me. I'm certain it's for you and for every woman who is living a diminished life so... 

Treat yourself well. 
Don't hustle for approval.
Don't suppress your feelings - speak your heart.
Don't let someone's careless words define you.
And most of all, believe in new beginnings and infinite possibilities.

*******

A new season

If your life starts to dismantle,
just breathe and let it happen.
There is a season for all things.
When a season comes to an end, 
it means that it has fulfilled it's purpose.
And now it's time for change!
Don't hold unto yesterday!
Let the winds carry you into tomorrow.
 

******

“Life is a process of becoming, a combination of states we have to go through.
Where people fail is that they wish to elect a state and remain in it.
This is a kind of death.”

― Anaïs Nin

******

 

Free falling

Sometimes life calls you to enter an abyss...a place you never navigated before...an empty space where there is nothing to hold unto for safety other than your faith. The invitation is just for you. You'll be traveling alone. The deeper you go into the abyss, the further your old life will be pushed into the background until it no longer belongs to you. It will not be an easy journey. Each day though, will offer you seeds of grace. On some days, the seeds may be tiny. You must look carefully for them...

 

*****

I'm restless. Things are calling me away.

My hair is being pulled up by the stars. - Anais Nin

What I want in my life is to be willing to be dazzled...

to float above this difficult world. - Mary Oliver

 

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A good day for change

 

As a young girl, I wanted to be popular but I was too shy and insecure to have the spotlight on me. As an adult, I hung unto an unrealistic teenage desire for people to like me, to be the favorite, to be popular. Though I've had moderate success with popularity, it's come with a price tag. My dignity!

 

It's really only been in the last few years that I'm able to stay solid and intact if others don't like or agree with me. Though I've walked through some pretty tough lessons to get here, it's been worth it all. I feel excited to be on the fringe of new-found freedom. The joy of stepping out suppression brings me to my knees again and again, weeping with pure gratitude

 

Shame has been the culprit behind my compulsion to please others.  Without doing my shame work, I'd still be hustling for approval. I encourage each of you to dig for the strength to thoroughly examine your life. Do an honest inventory. Be brave and truthful. Let's together, dust the skeletons in your closet. You are not alone. It's a great day for change and growth...

 

Moving forward

 

You may want to stay in the comfort of your cocoon...
 even though life is beckoning you to try your wings. 
The cocoon has offered you warm shelter...
 during in an important transition period.
But now you are being called forward.

When the cocoon has fulfilled it's purpose,
it starts to shrivel and die away.
Don't hold unto any illusion that it's still protecting you.
 Instead, breathe and spread your wings.
 

****

 

Wearing a lamp shade

Are there times when you feel like...
 you're wearing a lamp shade on your head? 
Embarrassing moments when you think the world...
 is watching you make a fool of yourself?

Shame is under the lamp shade.

Because we carry shame,
we cover our flaws with perfectionism.
We defend our mistakes because we can't be wrong.
And when we get too uncomfortable, we hide.

We can let our shame separate or unify us.
Reality is that we all make mistakes.
That we all have shame to some degree.
And that we all hate how it feels.

We need to bring more compassion to shame...
 rather than judgment.
 Let's stop trying to be right or perfect.
Maybe we can even learn to love our flaws.

*****

Taking the blindfold off

Suppression is a defense mechanism we use when we want to forget something unpleasant. We consciously choose to suppress the truth, and create a story we like.

 

Repression is another mechanism. It's different in the sense that we are unconsciously choosing to forget. The unpleasant experience is shoved down so deep, we can't remember it.

 

 Though coping mechanisms protect us when we're too fragile to deal with certain things, there comes a time when it's also hinders our ability to move forward. It's important to examine our lives, past and present, in the most honest way we can. Though denial feels like a protective blanket we can pull over us, hiding under the covers is not a good choice for the future.
 

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Demons and goddesses

No more stories about demons and goddesses.
No more playing the blame game...
creating stories in your mind...
where someone is the victim, the hero... 

Enough chatter about good guys/bad guys.
 Never mind about who's right or wrong.
Shame loves to point the finger.

Don't idolize anyone either.
It's helpful when someone inspires us,
but don't make them better than you.

Everyone who comes into your life...
 is here to teach something valuable.
Look for the lesson rather than...
 letting your mind be seduced into conflict.

*****

 

Doing my own shame work

 

Hidden behind pride is shame. Some of the things I used to pride myself on was; my material things, my good health, my husband, my children, my home, my job, my good fortune, being financially secure, being strong, being self-reliant. 

 

About sixteen years ago, life took a drastic turn. My 23 year marriage crumbled. In the midst of our divorce, my husband died suddenly from a brain aneurysm. I was no longer a wife or even an ex-wife.

 

Though I had been diagnosed with FMS years before, it wasn't until the stress of my life got so out of control that I became very ill and was forced to quit my job. Any pride I had about being healthy and financially secure, was knocked out of me.

 

My daughter, who once was an honor-roll student, became addicted to pain meds. Once again, my pride bubble got busted and shame showed up behind it. I felt like the world witnessed all my short-comings as a parent. When my daughter died from an over-dose, I couldn't play the pride game of being strong and self-reliant. I lost all sense of grounded-ness. There were days when the grief was so overwhelming that I couldn't even manage driving or dressing myself. And not only was I left with a gapping hole in my heart, but whatever pride I took in being her mom, was shattered.
 

Following that, I became so sick that  I couldn't physically manage caring for a house anymore. So I sold my home and gave away most of my material things. More pride being stripped away.
 

Circumstances forced me to do my shame work. Up to that point, I pretty much hated myself and never felt like I fit in, but I hid the truth from everyone. Shame had a strong hold on me, but obviously life had another plan for me.

 

I would love to say that my shame work is done but no such luck. About six months ago, a situation happened that uncovered more shame. Even though I'm still in the process of cleaning it out, I feel stronger and more confident then I've ever have before. 

 

Every time I heal a little more shame, I get to meet more of the woman I really am - my flawed perfect self. All is well!!!

 

*****

A life completed

 

Whether you have one day...

 or 30 years left on earth, isn't important.

What matters is what you do with...
 your one precious life. 

 

Who are you going to live it for?
For someone else's approval,
for a false sense of belonging?

Spirit pulls at your heart strings,
beckoning you to take more risks.
To give up your futile search for safety.
To stop selling yourself out.

You have everything you need...
except the courage to walk...
 your own beautiful path.
Take the right steps today.
Don't let fear shrink your life.

******

"Look closely at the present you are constructing.
It should look like the future you are dreaming" - Unknown
 

*****

Infinite possiibilities

We can let our experiences harden or soften us.
We can feel victimized by our circumstances or empowered.
We can curl up in defeat or stand as tall as the old, oak tree.
We can give in to fear or expand our courage.  
We can put up our protective walls or live compassionately.

Don't run when you feel hurt, inadequate, disappointed.
You have the strength to endure all circumstances.
Don't let your muscles weaken by running away.

We can use our circumstances to shrink our lives...
or create a life of infinite possibilities.
 We can not only endure life, but let it grow our wings.

 

*****

 

Loving what is

 

How can we live with compassion in a world that is fragile and precious, and at the same time, challenging? How do we keep a good attitude when we step on the land mines? When we experience the pitfalls? We do it by becoming skilled at seeing everything as a lesson of the heart rather than labeling our experiences as good or bad, right or wrong. Judgment blocks our natural ability to love others unconditionally. We judge because we're afraid. How do we overcome fear? By taking the time to offer comfort and compassion to ourselves. When the fear has quieted, our perception will shift.

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Standing up to fear

If you have a deep fear of being alone, you'll betray yourself a thousand times.

You'll go blind when you're afraid to see the truth.
You'll go deaf when someone hurts you with their words.
You'll lie to yourself so you can stay in denial.
You'll play it small so no one feels threatened.
You'll ignore your inner voice, choosing ignorance instead. 
You'll hurt yourself rather than risk upsetting someone else.
You'll long for more, but will be paralyzed by self-doubt.
You'll waste your life living for others rather than yourself.

You'll be stuck here until you pull fear up by it's roots.
You uproot it by not acting out co-dependent behaviors.
You stop looking for others to fill your emptiness -
better to leave it empty than fill it with falseness. 
And you take a strong stand for yourself...
 and what you believe in.

*****

Childhood triggers

I'm always a bit surprised when I find myself falling back into the old groove of raw, childhood feelings. All it takes is someone or something to hit my trigger button. Before I'm even aware that it's a childhood trigger, an overwhelming surge takes over. It then, has to the potential to become an over-reaction to the given situation.

 

We all have triggers. It's helpful to understand your triggers. Blame and justification are two clues that let you know when your old crap has been kicked up. It's always helpful to process your feelings with someone who can give offer a better perspective and save you a lot of needless whirling around.

 

*****

 

The ups and downs

I've found blogging to be a double-edge sword. On one hand, I get to write about things that are meaningful to me. The flip side is it puts me in a vulnerable position because I am basically sharing the ups and downs of my personal journey. There are days when I'm excited to post and other times when I feel exposed. The days I feel reluctant, I push through it. Vulnerability is not something I'm willing to run from. 

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The compulsion to please

 

Co-dependency can be tricky. I used to see myself as this kind, caring person who loved being helpful. There is truth to that. But I also see what a people-pleaser I am. I want everyone to be happy.

At one time, it was my mission in life. Yikes!!!

 

I'm grateful that today I have an understanding about why I made it my mission. At the root of this is fear. As a child, the only survival tool I had in a home where there was physical and emotional abuse, was to be a good girl...a people-pleaser. Of course, by the time I understood what my core issue was, the root was already deeply embedded.

Today I am still chopping away at the root...

As a child, my choices were limited, but as an adult, the only person's happiness I am responsible for is me. Honestly, it still feels a bit selfish to say that, but I know it's true.
 

*****
 

Compassion and gratitude

 

The spiritual journey is as much about wonder
as it is wretchedness.  
If everything felt good all the time,
you would become complacent and arrogant.
Cherish all your experiences.
The wretchedness teaches you compassion.
The wonder fills you with gratitude.

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"...are you breathing just a little, and calling it a life"
- Mary Oliver

Your precious life

 

One day you will find yourself at the end of the road.
Hopefully you won't have been defeated by your insecurities.
You won't have wasted your precious life being strung out on
people-pleasing, perfectionism, crippling fear. 

 

*****

 

Love and acceptance

 

Why do we strive so hard to be perfect rather than seeing the beauty in our flaws? Somewhere in our lives we got the message that we weren't enough. As a result, we developed unrealistic concepts about who we should be. It then forced all the parts of ourselves that aren't perfect, into hiding. Our focus became trying to be more rather than accepting and loving who we are. 

 

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