The compulsion to please

 

Co-dependency can be tricky. I used to see myself as this kind, caring person who loved being helpful. There is truth to that. But I also see what a people-pleaser I am. I want everyone to be happy.

At one time, it was my mission in life. Yikes!!!

 

I'm grateful that today I have an understanding about why I made it my mission. At the root of this is fear. As a child, the only survival tool I had in a home where there was physical and emotional abuse, was to be a good girl...a people-pleaser. Of course, by the time I understood what my core issue was, the root was already deeply embedded.

Today I am still chopping away at the root...

As a child, my choices were limited, but as an adult, the only person's happiness I am responsible for is me. Honestly, it still feels a bit selfish to say that, but I know it's true.
 

*****
 

True happiness

Though most of us were raised to believe that the journey is all about the perfect life (husband, children, career, house...), I have found that to be untrue. I've had time in my life where I had all those things, yet felt empty inside. I have also times had when my life was incredibly messy. The messy times gifted me with the most. I used to judge and awfulize my challenges. Now I can see they were all opportunities to learn and grow.

 

What is most important to me now is how I feel about myself, how honestly I am interacting in the world, and how I can serve humanity in the purest way. It's not about being perfect, looking good, worrying what others think, trying to fix or change people, or ignoring the cry from within my soul that yearns for it's true purpose in life.

 

It doesn't matter how great someone's life looks from the outside. If their internal life isn't rich, if they don't love them themselves and made peace with their past, then they are living in lack.

 

*****



Living in the moment

“You can't stop the future
You can't rewind the past
The only way to learn the secret
...is to press play.”  

― Jay Asher

 

******

 



The secret to happiness

 

Very little is needed to make a happy life;
it is all within yourself in your way of thinking.”  

― Marcus Aurelius

 

******

Faith

Faith- a feeling of reassurance...

encouraging whispers of hope...

despite appearances...

it tells you things are OK...

that there are reasons for where you are at.

Faith- believing in yourself...

that you are strong...

even when you feel weak...

that you can do anything...

                              even when you feel incapable.                                      

Faith- surrendering...

to the silent "knowing"...

trusting what is...

and where it's going...

believing in infinite possibilities.

*****

 



A deeper understanding...

 

I lost a dear friend last year to cancer. In her final days, she was filled with peace and wisdom. With death at the door, she had reached an understanding that at the end of her life, ultimately, it was just her and God.

Because I was my friend's confident, I knew she had struggled for years trying to find happiness through her relationships. She had some success, but generally ended up returning to her original feeling of loneliness. The disappointment of not getting her needs met externally often caused her great pain. At the end of her life, she was surrounded by many people who loved her. Her fear of being alone had only been a fear. But it wasn't until she lay dying that she knew this to be true.
 

****

 

 

When death is at the door,

people often get a free dose of spiritual understanding.

 

Marianne Williamson

 

****

Letting yourself shine

“A tulip doesn’t strive to impress anyone. It doesn’t struggle to be different than a rose. It doesn’t have to. It is different. And there’s room in the garden for every flower. You didn’t have to struggle to make your face different than anyone else’s on earth. It just is. You are unique because you were created that way. Look at little children in kindergarten. They’re all different without trying to be. As long as they’re unselfconsciously being themselves, they can’t help but shine. It’s only later, when children are taught to compete, to strive to be better than others, that their natural light becomes distorted.”

 

― Marianne Williamson

 

*****

"Nothing binds you except your thoughts; nothing limits you except your fear; and nothing controls you except your beliefs.”

 

― Marianne Williamson

Doing the work

You may wonder why I give so much time and energy to doing healing work. In my earlier years, I had resigned myself to accepting that this was all there was to life, so I had better suck it up and accept my fate, even though I was terribly unhappy. But life had a different plan for me. One day I emotionally bottomed out. After that, everything began to change. Pain opened me up a brand new world...a world I began to all in love with.

Here are some of the gifts its given me;

 A sense of wholeness, wisdom, freedom, joy...  

 It continues to fuel my passion to teach others...

A deep sense of responsibility and commitment to ending the destructive patterns that have been passed along in my family from one generation to the next...the secrets, the abuse, denial, self-rejection, emotional neglect, the festering shame and guilt that has been kept in the dark for so long. 
 

****

 

“When we least expect it,
life sets us a challenge
to test our courage and willingness to change;
at such a moment,
there is no point in pretending
that nothing has happened
or in saying that we are not yet ready.
The challenge will not wait...

― Paul Coelho 

****

Finding happiness

 

Picture yourself as a woman who

 

has created a life beyond anything

 

she could have ever imagined.

 

*****

 

 

"Happiness cannot be traveled to,

owned, earned, worn or consumed.

Happiness is the spiritual experience

of living every minute with love,

grace, and gratitude."

 

Dennis Waitley

 

 *****

Being happy

 

 

Smiling is infectious,
You catch it like the flu,
When someone smiled at me today,
I started smiling too.

 

I passed around the corner,
And someone saw my grin,
When he smiled I realized,
I'd passed it on to him.

 

I thought about that smile,
Then realized its worth,
A single smile, just like mine,
Could travel round the earth...

 

Author unknown

 

*****

 

Laugh when you can,
apologize when you should,
and let go of what you can't change.
Life's too short to be anything... but happy.

- Anonymous

 

*****

Making good choices

 

Picture yourself as a woman

 

who is intimate with herself,

 

 enjoying the magnificence of

 

her life force energy.

 

*****

 

“Don't step into lives that aren't yours,
make choices that aren't nourishing,
or dance stiffly for years with the wrong partner...”

― S.A.R.K.

Living fully

 

Picture yourself as a woman

 

who has become her own hero.

 

 She is everything

 

you ever desired to be.

 

****

 

“Certainly survival is important,
but at some point surviving wasn't enough.
I felt ready to complete my surviving journey
 and start thriving and just living.”

― S.A.R.K.

 

Making a gratitude list

Writing a daily gratitude list helped change old negative thinking.

 

A supportive partner    Organic food     Nature     Health

          

A night's sleep         Family and friends      Change

 

Walks on the beach     Quiet time         A good movie

 

   Good books      Hope      My lessons    New beginnings

 

  Yoga      My cat      The first cup of coffee in the morning     

 

Hot baths         God     Essential oils        Love

 

******

 

A day with my sister, Penny.

 

******

 

I would maintain that thanks are the highest form of thought...

 

 

~G.K. Chesterton

****

 

Be thankful for all your lessons.

Being happy

 To be happy, we need good self-esteem.
Don’t confuse this with being perfect.
Having good self-esteem happens as a result
of accepting ourselves where we are at...
throwing out judgment.
This doesn’t mean we won’t strive...
to do better,
but we don’t have to graduate
from the school of perfection
to feel happy.

 

*****

 

“I want to sing like the birds sing,
not worrying about who hears or what they think.” 
 
― Rumi
 
****

Transitioning from a point of letting go to welcoming something new can be uncomfortable, but at the same time, neccessary.

Being content

 

Picture yourself as a woman
 

who awakens
 

to feeling blissfully happy.

 

 

****

 

 

"If you realize you have enough,

you are truly rich"

 

Lao-tzu

 

*****

 

Remember to say thank you for everything you are blessed with.

Thinking positive

 

Each thought is precious... Our power lies in the thoughts that we choose to think today.
We can think happy thoughts. We can think positive thoughts. We can say, “Yes, I can do it!” We can think thoughts that make us feel joyous. We can learn to think only about all the good in the world... We can greet the day with a smile. We can let the world know that we’re happy to be alive. We can express gratitude at every turn. We can love our bodies. We can be our best friend...

Our reward is that we get to watch day by day as our lives turn into the most joyous, loving, healthy, prosperous, fabulous experience...

 

Louise L. Hay
*****

Imagine that your thoughts are like drops of water.

One thought or one drop of water does not mean very much.

As you repeat thoughts over and over,

you first notice a stain on the carpet,

then there is a little puddle,

then a pond,

and as these thoughts continue,

they can become a lake,

and finally an ocean.

What kind of ocean are you creating?

One that is polluted and toxic and unfit to swim in,

or one that is crystal clear and blue

that invites you to enjoy its refreshing waters?

 

Louise L. Hay

*****

 

"I will release any negative thoughts"

New adventures

 

Life is an adventure...

moments of joy, laughter, and fun

being silly

tossing caution to the wind

wishing on stars

standing on the edge

learning to soar.

****

 

We're the bridge across forever,
arching above the sea,
adventuring for our pleasure,
living mysteries for the fun of it,
choosing disasters, triumphs, challenges, impossible odds,
testing ourselves over and again,
learning love and love and LOVE!

~ Richard Bach  ~

*****

 

"I am excited about life"

Living to the fullest

 

I could easily whittle away an entire day playing when I was young. The simplest things like collecting pretty rocks, playing paper dolls, or picking flowers was a great source of entertainment. I enjoyed visiting my grandparents in the summertime. They would let me play to my heart's content.  Every day brought a new adventure. I always had a good imagination. It would transport me off into my own little world. These were my happiest childhood memories.

The little girl who loved to play is still in me. I can easily spend a whole day doing what I love. My newest hobby is growing herbs, sprouts and micro-greens. I live in a condo so I had to create some space for my new adventure.

What kind of things did you love to do as a child? Treat yourself to a day of play. It's soothing for the soul. Life is meant to be enjoyed. Go have fun.

****

 

 Some of my sprouts...

 The plastic bin that Pippi is watching over is filled with baby micro-green sprouts

Some of my herbs.

 

******

 

The purpose of life, after all,
is to live it,
to taste experience to the utmost,
to reach out eagerly and without fear
for newer and richer experience.

~ Eleanor Roosevelt ~


 

*****

"I will live life to the fullest every day"