Monday, April 15, 2013

A false sense of belonging

Sometimes in life we are called to do the very thing we're afraid of. One thing I fear is rejection. Being different, being true to myself, is still a stretch for me. I spent most of life trying to please others, to fit in, to be what others wanted me to be. But I lost myself in the process.
The last few months I have been in a situation that I would have done anything to avoid in the past. I took a strong stand for something I believe in. It has not made me popular...quite the opposite.  I could avoided a lot of judgement and rejection by playing the old game of " I will pretend not to see what I see and know what I know so you like me". I have worked too hard on myself to go blind ever again. I'm not desperate anymore to belong. I'm not willing to disconnect from myself. Too high a price to pay for a false sense of belonging.
 This has not been a picnic. It has been painfully uncomfortable and I've wanted to give up. But something deep in me has said to not give into fear. And I haven't. I can see already how much I have gained from this experience...these bittersweet lessons about trusting myself...looking rejection in the face rather than cowering. I will never be the same. And for that, I am truly grateful.
She pushed beyond old limiting beliefs
and opened her mind
to new ideas.
Her fear couldn’t thrive in a space
insulated with faith.


"I am free to be who I am"