Improving self-esteem



You are my sunshine
You make me happy when skies are grey

 



I challenge anyone who is trying to avoid the shame pool, to dive in head first. What is shame? Shame is the voice that threatens our very right to feel good about our existence.

 

What are some of the symptoms of shame? Prideful-ness, low self-esteem, arrogance, hypersensitivity, insensitive to others, self-centeredness, belittling oneself, boastful, guilt ridden, issues with perfectionism, approval seeking, self-reliant, difficult to trust others, jealousy, superiority, rigid thinking, avoidance of feelings, fear of making mistakes...

 

Shame is not something we can afford to ignore. Not only do we carry it, but as hard we try not to, we will pass it to our children. My parents carried shame. As a little girl, I began to absorb it before I even understood what it was. It took 40+ years of feeling bad about myself to realize that the seed of shame planted in early childhood, affected every thought and decision I ever made. 

Don't settle for living in the problem. There is a solution. Create something better for your future and for your children.
 

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Following your heart

 

Don't regret your past. Trust that it's all part of some divine plan.

I know that all my experiences have helped bring me closer to a dream I've had since I was a little girl. In a quest to achieve my vision, I've had to fall many times down the rabbit hole...abuse, addiction, loss, co-dependency, illness. Some of my struggles were self-inflicted, some were not. Though one might say my story has been one of tragedy and sorrow, I disagree. I'm certain that everything has been part of a mysterious plan to help me find my way back to who I am...to meet the person who has always existed beneath the wounds.

I've learned that my dreams can only be as big as my sense of worthiness. I had a lot of work to do in that area. I also needed lessons of the heart which would teach me about compassion, empathy, and unconditional love. The loss of daughter was my hardest lesson and my biggest gift. It broke me wide open...

My daughter, Jody

 

There once was a little girl who didn't believe in herself, but she had a dream... I am closer to home now. I feel myself being pulled towards actualized dreams and infinite possibilities.

My hope is for all your dreams come true too...

*****

 

Nobody will protect you from your suffering. 
 You can't cry it away or eat it away or starve it away or walk it away... 
 It's just there, and you have to survive it. You have to endure it. 
 You have to live through it and love it and move on
and be better for it and run as far as you can in the direction
of your best and happiest dreams across the bridge that was built
by your own desire to heal.”
― Cheryl Strayed

 

Healing at the core

 

Recently, after hearing the cry of a mother's pain when her young child threatened to kill himself, woke something deep inside me. I refuse to be God's silent helper anymore. Any fear about expressing myself has been pushed into the background.
 

So here's some truth for today. If you have a crack in your foundation (which you probably do), your children will have one too. Hard as we may try to do better than our parents, we will fail. Wounded parents pay it forward to their children. When you are broken and bleeding from the inside, know that the blood flows into every crevice in your life externally too. There's no exception to this rule unless you've done a lot of hard work on yourself. You can make the choice to heal your hurts, or continue to deny or ignore them and pass it on just as your parents passed them to you.

 

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“Pain is a pesky part of being human... But then I have also learned that because of pain, I can feel the beauty, tenderness, and freedom of healing. Pain feels like a fast stab wound to the heart. But then healing feels like the wind against your face when you are spreading your wings and flying through the air...”
― C. Joybell 

 

Performing soul surgery

 It would be hard to miss how much tragedy is going on around us, but don't be too quick to point the finger. We've all contributed to the state of things. What the world needs most is soul surgery. That means each of us have a responsibility to heal our wounds. A wounded soul has wounded thinking and makes wounded choices.

Sadly, we live in a time where gratification is the solution for our pain. If you avoid this truth, you will teach your children to be dishonest with themselves too. When did more toys, electronics, and trips to Disney World become the solution for a child's well-being?

If you lie to yourself about yourself, then you not only live in the problem, but it harms the world. When you heal your life, you then, will have made a huge contribution.

*****

 

Letting go of pretenses

Just being yourself will attract meaningful, lasting relationships.
You can count on authenticity to sweep out the illusionary ones. 
If a person expects you to be someone other than who you are,
they are trying to fill a lack within themselves.
Don't be so desperate for approval that you relinquish your own power.

 

*****

"There is nothing more beautiful than
seeing a person being themselves”  S. Maraboli

*****
“Because true belonging only happens when we present
our authentic, imperfect selves to the world,
our sense of belonging can never be greater
than our level of self-acceptance.” Brene Brown   
 

Running on empty

If you spend your time trying to make others happy, 

just know you'll not only fail at it,

 but you'll deplete yourself of your own life energy.
You are not responsible for all the wrongs in the world.
Let things be as they are.
What may appear as someone's pain to you, 
may be their perfect lesson.
Grace doesn't always come wrapped in pretty paper.
 

*****

"Where there is ruin, 
there is hope for a treasure"
-Rumi
 



Being open

 

Change happens whether we want it or not. 
Might as well let go of resistance to it.
It'll make for a smoother ride.

 

Change is not only good, it's essential to our well-being.
You will never reach a place where you finished with change.
Life will always be waiting to hand you the next gift.

*****
This being human is a guest house
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they are a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.
Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.
~Rumi

*****

 

Feeling good

 

When you start dismantling old beliefs, it can be like child birth. Painful, joyful, scary... I made a decision at the beginning of last year to trade my perfectionism in for authenticity. Since then, my life has been turned upside down, literally shaking the falseness out of it.

 

What a year it's been! I am still gritting my teeth (for real). Though I've accepted the many changes that happened, there is still some residue of fear and resistance I have to work on (that's why my jaw is tight). But I also feel the energy of something new and exciting. It's a feeling of aliveness! And I have been immersing myself in it. Do I care about what it took to get here? Nope! It's like childbirth.You soon forget the pain because the joy is far, far greater.
 

It's imperative that we tear down any dilapidated patterns of thinking or behaviors. Face it, we were all handed some pretty twisted ideals about ourselves and life, growing up. All of which can be changed. Not an easy process because it has to be experienced from a place that is deeper than you bleed. But if you are sick of feeling sick and want to make a difference in the world, then prepare to change.

 

*****
"Set your life on fire. Seek those who fan your flames"
-Rumi
 

Ready for change

 

 “And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud

was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.”
― Anaïs Nin

 

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As a life coach, I often find women wait until their lives bottom out to get help. There is an easier, softer way though. When you know you are in trouble emotionally, don't try to figure it out yourself. Emotional pain is like walking around with a constant tooth ache. Some days you may feel worse than others. But you always hurts.

 

 There's no way I'd be where I'm at today if I hadn't reached out. Counseling turned my life in a direction I could have never offered to myself. I initially felt shame that I needed guidance. I thought it made me weak. That of course, was my pride and ego. The truth is that is takes an act of humility and courage to be vulnerable. It's a beautiful process that I feel blessed to be part of with women every day...

 

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FYI- If you'd like to set up a life coaching session or have any questions,
 you can email me at oceanspirits@comcast.net

 

A year of dreams

 

Do you believe your dreams will come true? 
If you really want this to be the year they do,
 you're going to have to take your foot off the brakes.
Your desires must be greater than your fears.
Let go of control of how it will happen.
Just know that when you are completely open and ready,
a beautiful energy will pull you towards them.

****
"As you start to walk out on the  way, the way appears"
-Rumi

 

Claiming your worthiness

 

Do you know your worth?
Don't waste time with people or things that don't compliment your life.

 

Communicate honestly.
Don't give mixed signals about what you need. Be direct!

 

Learn from your past.
Don't continue to make the same mistakes and expect different results.
Be willing to change!

 

Love what you do.
Let it be something that will serve others.

 

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Why do stay in prison when the door is wide open?
- Rumi

 

The end of suffering

 

It's always important to seek clarity when it comes to yourself, others, and life itself. 
But you may have a tendency to overreact. When situations arise that challenge you, instead of putting up walls of resistance and weaving embellishing stories, just breathe into it. Look for the gifts rather than letting it become infectious. Lessons are part of life. Don't turn your lessons into a soap opera. Drama only prohibits your spiritual growth.

*****

 

Trusting the process

In order for a woman to claim her aliveness,
she must first, let her life be turned inside out.
This can be a daunting process.
but she can't allow fear to threaten her success.
She knows she must master all her lessons...
 in order to restore her power...
and bring her soul to life. 

*****
"You were born with wings, why prefer to crawl?"
-Rumi
 

Cleansing your soul

 

Doing your grief work is every bit as important as doing your shame work, anger work, forgiveness work... They are all part of the healing process. Grief's purpose is to renew us. Without grief, our sorrow becomes buried and our hearts frozen. Sorrow is 
our friend, not our enemy. We should never try to avoid it. 

As for myself, I've wept many, many times. I've wept for all the ways I've deserted and disrespected myself. I've wept over lost opportunities, regrets, and disappointments. I've wept for the little girl in me who struggled in an abusive home. I've wept for the woman who didn't believe in herself. I've wept for three broken marriages, for the loss of my daughter, and for all the people I've dearly loved who are gone. I've wept for those who have been harmed by my mistakes and those who have harmed me. I have wept until I was sure I was emptied out, and then wept again.

 

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Your 2015 miracle

 

Do you have a beautiful vision for your future?
Are there things you desire with all your heart?
For dreams to come true, you must believe in yourself.

You also have to be:

 patient
determined
fearless
strong
confident
resilient
hopeful
trusting

Let go of control.
Let your life dismantle and re-assemble.
Open your arms to infinite possibilities.

"Sometimes faith sits on the wing of a prayer"

******