Finally Reaching a Bottom

 I remember having thoughts of hurting myself as a child and even as an adult, prior to recovery.

The emotional pain I carried from childhood was so loud that I didn’t know how to escape it.

I tried relationships with men.

I tried drugs and alcohol.

I tried everything I could think of to make the pain go away.

But the pain only got worse.

Eventually, I reached a place where I had to admit something I had never really been willing to admit before:

That my choices to relieve the pain only cost me more pain.

And for the first time, I genuinely asked God for help.

I had prayed before.

I would ask God for help, and then the next day I would go right back to doing what I had always done.

But this time was different.

When I hit my knees, something inside me surrendered.

I didn’t know what was going to happen.

I didn’t know how much my life was about to change.

But somewhere deep inside, I knew it was different this time.

I had finally stopped trying to save myself.

And I believe God threw me a lifeline that day.

I just had to be willing to reach for it.

And I did.