Pain Management

 When I look back at the chapters of my life, I can see how pain management has been woven through my story.

Even as a little girl, I was looking for ways to feel okay when I didn’t really feel okay.

I felt trapped.

I felt unsafe.

And I found whatever I could to help me escape those feelings.

As I moved into adulthood, some of my choices in relationships weren’t healthy. But looking back, I can see that I was still trying to manage pain.

There have been so many chapters where pain management became part of my life.

Addiction was a big one.

And it was painful.

Then came the loss of my child.

The loss of my partner.

And physical pain that has come and gone in different forms for the last thirty years.

Different pain.

Different chapters.

For most of my life, I thought pain management meant finding something outside of myself that would make the pain go away.

I learned to rise above it, time after time.

I learned to embrace the lessons.

Now I’m wondering if this chapter is asking me to learn something different.

Maybe it’s about surrendering pain management?