The journey of heart

If you wish to build a rich inner life, you first have to face the darkness. The darkness is an accumulation of all the things you've shoved down in your gut that you haven't made peace with. It takes a deep commitment and a lot of hard work, but you gain freedom, joy, light-heartedness, compassion, insightfulness... You earn these beautiful gifts by meeting layer after layer of shame, guilt, old hurts...

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Getting still

The yellow butterflies rarely land long enough to get a good photo,
 but yesterday I lucked out...

Intellectual understanding is not the same as wisdom. You can be inspired by someone else's words and identify with their spiritual teachings, but that does not make you wise. Though we all have the capability to be insightful, unfortunately, we've been conditioned to focus and value the external world more. It takes years of discipline to be able look inward rather than outward for the answers. Unless you have a genuine desire to learn this, you'll be pulled away easily by the distractions of the outer world...

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Unexpected lessons

Come to accept that teetering, stumbling, falling is part of gaining balance again when life throws an unexpected curve. Lessons can be messy and uncomfortable, bringing us to our knees repeatedly as we crumble, rebuild, crumble, rebuild. It takes great faith to surrender to the unknowing, to the confusion, to the growing pains. In the gut-wrenching process of birthing stronger wings, watch your life transform...

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Wrap your arms around the journey

There will be times when life isn’t easy, 

when you feel out of balance, 

and when fear overrides your peace. 

But there will also be days when...

 the sounds of the world play the sweetest melody

 and you’re immersed in the warmth of wonder. 

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Reaching out

The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others

-Mahatma Gandhi

With new eyes

 I finally broke down and bought a new camera. Though I love photography, I've been using an inexpensive point-and-shoot for years. It's becoming clearer to me how I easily I can talk myself into settling for less by using stupid justifications. I'm working to break this habit. Settling for less is a worthiness issue. Time to let go more false beliefs about myself. Love my new camera...

Using my new camera is a bit more challenging because it's heavy and bulkier. It's helping me to become more mindful because I have to hold the camera still when I snap a photo. The pictures would be crisper if I used a tripod, but that feels cumbersome....

What I instantly loved are the colors the camera captures. This little tiny bug to the naked eye would have looked like nothing, but my camera found a deeper truth...

I love to look for lessons. There's no doubt that the lesson here is though we may want to judge what we see with our eyes, there is a deeper truth and it is this: there is the beauty in everything and everyone. Sometimes it may be hidden under judgement, but if we look deeper, we will see it with our hearts...

Work in progress

Fear and justification go hand in hand. 

When we've learned to fully trust ourselves,

we won't need to defend or over-explain...

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Feeling a connection...

I'm chuckling this morning as I look back on the weekend with my partner, Jack. We both got on each other's nerves to the point that we were disagreeing over stupid things like changing a light bulb. Sometimes we resort to acting like five-year-olds trying to get their way, but there's a lightheartedness to all of it. It's taken a deep commitment and a lot of hard work (along with a little therapy) to form a comfortable, safe groove. Intimacy was not something either of us knew a lot about. It was something we had to learn. In the process of learning, we made 1,000 mistakes, meaning that we had a lot of bumpy times. The first five years were fragile. I wasn't sure if we'd make it. But here we are... 17 years later... still having our little squabbles (nothing's perfect). Thank God we both have a sense of humor and don't take ourselves too seriously...


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Some of my favorite photos

 Jack and his granddaughter, Kayla

 Gotta love that face!

 Always reading the paper...

 and smoking his cigar

Really Jack, on your phone again?

 Jack with my sister Penny, 
and my brother-in-law Mike

Jack thought this was just a statue.
It was hilarious to watch Jack's face ...
when the guys eyes moved 

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Soulful living

It's better to be wise than smart.

Wisdom is most precious gift there is.

We can only become wise by seeking truth, 

 not by living in the fantasy stories that our minds create.

Your mind can twist or justify anything it wishes.

Although our minds are good for practical things like balancing a checkbook, 

wisdom is different because it comes from your soul.

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Looking in the mirror

The world is a reflection of your thoughts and beliefs.

If you want to learn more about yourself, 

just look at what's playing out around you.

 What's are story lines..the repetitive themes?

This is great tool for self-examination.

Nothing in life happens by chance...

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Shaking things up

Aligning with truth is the same as aligning with God.

As lovely as it sounds, it can be extremely challenging.

This is a faith building exercise that takes great courage.

As we move forward by surrendering our will, 

we can expect that our world will be turned up side down...

 and the illusions we've clung to for safety, will be shattered.

This process will bring our deepest fears and insecurities...

 to the Light so that we may free ourselves of them forever...

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Unconditional love

There is beauty in all things, 

but we will miss the joy of this experience...

if our minds are clouded with judgment. 

What is the root of judgement? 

Low self-esteem, unworthiness, shame. 

When we learn to love ourselves...

 and heal our wounded hearts,

we will feel unconditional love...

for people and for life...

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Lasting peace

If there was a way to X-ray your insides on an emotional level, I'm certain you would be shocked to see how much old pain you're lugging around. The only way you've managed this level of pain is to disconnect from the pain and from yourself, therefore, becoming numb. But please understand that the burdens of the past are very heavy and your unresolved pain will bleed into every situation and every relationship. Pain is a stalker! It is relentless when it comes to stealing our joy and freedom...

 To heal, you have to face the things you've buried. It's not comfortable, but there is nothing worse than being numb and disconnected. If you're numb, how will God become more than a concept? How will you find lasting peace when you're insides are hurting? How will you have healthy relationships with others instead of co-dependent ones? 

It comes back to this truth: the real journey is inward. If you avoid it, you are forced to live in survival. If you live in survival, you will settle for less than God has planned for you. You will be someone you're not. You will seek out ways to mask your pain. You will not become all that you can be nor do all that you can do. There is the potential for Greatness in all of us, but you will not find yours until you find yourself...

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The Gift of Knowing

There is nothing more beautiful or fulfilling than 

being aligned with truth. What is truth? 

A knowing that comes from deep within our soul...

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Creating change

We long for safety, but don't work on our trust issues. Instead we attempt to micro-manage life because we lack faith in it... 

We look for our identity in material things, status, power...but it never satisfies our hunger for self-love...

We play the Popularity Game to get recognition, but still feel empty inside... 

We seek ways to feel happy, but only have fleeting moments that are usually dependent on something or someone... 

We're on an aimless search for that which only exists inside us, but because we're afraid to look inward, we're dependent on our external circumstances...

Until there is some divine understanding, until we face life from a place of truth, until we stop running from fear, until we look at our self-esteem issues, until we let go of pride and become teachable, until we release our choke-hold on people and things, there is no hope of change. To create change, we have to go deep inside ourselves. There is no better solution nor should there be. The inward journey is not only the walk with ourselves, but the path to God...

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