It may surprise you to know that most of your suffering has been caused by your thoughts and reactions. Strange as it may sound, it's true. Most people have been conditioned to be afraid, to not listen their intuition, to buy into the story that the world is not a loving, safe place that will support you, so if you want something, you have to take control and make it happen.
You may feel that you always have to be on guard to protect yourself, which equates to closing your heart off. Because you are afraid and have not yet accepted that Life is wiser than you, you attempt to control your circumstances through struggle, force, and manipulation, all which will sabotage the very thing you desire.
As much as you may pride yourself on being smart, your intellect is not a replacement for wisdom. This is how ego tricks you into a another bad decision...thinking you know the right answer.
Hopefully, suffering will wake you up from your futile attempts.
It is our nature to surrender when the pain gets great enough. Surrender means "I don't know the answers, I'm tired of trying to do it my way, and I am willing to give all the responsibility to a Power great than myself".