Unconditional love

If we disown feelings that make us uncomfortable, 
such as the feeling of selfishness, 
we're caught between our humanity and our judgment. 

*****

Tasting the goodness of life

Without a doubt, I'm the kind of person (type A personality) who loves the feeling of accomplishment, whether it's creating something or checking things off my to-do list. Though in some ways, this is good. The part that isn't is the push I give myself when I do it. It's almost like there's a steam roller inside me....Yikes!

 

For instance, I decided to make a raw chocolate raspberry cake today along with pumpkin pancakes for breakfast. I'm happy to say my joy in cooking is slowing reappearing again after months of burn-out. What I noticed about myself that I need to work on is my tendency to be so busy accomplishing my task that I forget the joy of the experience, and most importantly, savoring the taste of my efforts.

*******

A better life

 

We all need balance. What I mean by balance is that our inner life (how we feel inside) is as rich as our outer life. There was a time when my outer life looked very full and complete but inside I was bankrupt. I kept this a secret for many years, playing the game of "I'm okay". There came a time though, when I could still fool others, but couldn't lie to myself anymore. I had to get honest.

 

It has taken a lot of determination to move from the shallow pond into deeper, unknown waters. It has taken time to learn what loving myself means, to stop looking for others to complete me, and to quiet the ache in me that I had carelessly ignored for so long. I had fruitlessly sought happiness by filling my life with busyness, fixing others, achieving, striving, and hustling for love and acceptance. All which failed, over and over again.

 

It is only in finding the courage to be deeply honest with ourselves that we begin to face the truth about how we feel inside. Honesty is key that begins to unlock the door to freedom.

 

*******

Accepting life as it is

 

“Be content with what you have;
rejoice in the way things are.
When you realize there is nothing lacking,
the whole world belongs to you.”
― Laozi

 

*****

Diminishing ourselves

 

The moment we begin to fear the opinions of others

and hesitate to tell the truth that is in us,...

the divine floods of light and life

no longer flow into our souls.”  

 

― Elizabeth Cady Stanton

 

*****

 

Taking your power back

 

She couldn't own herself

 

until she shrunk her fear

 

of being alone.

 

****

 

Loving yourself

 

When her heart

 

split at the seam,

 

she mended it

 

with compassion.

****

Getting more real

 

 

Do you often find yourself disappointed or hurt in relationships?

Do you choose broken people, thinking you can change them?

When you do, you set yourself up for future problems.

The best thing is to choose those who are genuine.

But know that in choosing genuineness,
it will force you to become more genuine too.

If you're used to hiding parts of yourself (wearing a mask),
this will not be easy.

You may have a fear of being judged for who you are.

You don't feel good enough so you try to be someone you're not...
so others will like you. 

The only way though, to create an authentic life...
 is love and accept all the interesting aspects that make you unique.

You begin the journey to authenticity by choosing those...
 who risk showing you who they are.
 They will help you to feel safe enough to be your truest self.
 

*****



Friendships

My friend (Sue) next to her papaya tree...

******

Lissa's Personal Prescription for Relationships

 

Be willing to be vulnerable, expose my flaws and allow deeper intimacy through the connections that result when I give up the impossible quest for perfection.

 

Stop trying to save everyone I love. Love them unconditionally just the way they are...

 

Commit to filling myself first, so I'm full enough to help others.

 

Stop expecting people to read my mind and fully communicate what I want...

 

Make a list of all the people whose opinions I really value and then let go of caring about what everybody who is not on the list thinks.

 

Lissa Rankin, M.D. - "Mind Over Medicine"

*****

“A friend is one that knows you as you are,
understands where you have been,
accepts what you have become,
and still, gently allows you to grow.”  

― William Shakespeare

*****

 

Joyful determination

Most of us, halfway to hundred, confront a need for greater self-awareness. We reach a point when the power of youth is gone...the dreams of earlier times seem shallow and pointless...we find ourselves asking tough questions: What am I to do now? What really matters? Who am I?

For many years I had ignored these questions because I had too many responsibilities-too many lives to consider. But all of a sudden, there were no more excuses... I was standing at a crossroad with no clear path to follow. I only knew I needed a change. So I took a leap of faith; walked away from the mainstream of life, and dove headlong into the unknown.

Joan Anderson- The Second Journey

****

 

Life, like the beach, is always rearranging itself. The trick is to welcome and then work with, not against, the changes... Knowing, acknowledging, and celebrating the phases all women go through-how we've risen above our angst, respecting our determination- that is the fodder needed to continue our independent journey. The goal is to come of age in the middle of life rather than live out our days lacking purpose and energy.

 

Joan Anderson

*****

Accepting who you are

 • Many of us are frightened to look within ourselves, and fear has us put up walls so thick we no longer remember who we really are.

• Whatever we refuse to recognize about ourselves has a way of rearing its head and making itself known when we least expect it.

• Our society nurtures the illusion that all the rewards go to the people who are perfect. But many of us are finding out that trying to be perfect is costly.
 
• For when I can love all of me, I will love all of you.

*****

 

“By facing these aspects of ourselves,
we become free to experience our glorious totality:
the good and the bad, the dark and the light.
It is by embracing all of who we are
that we earn the freedom to choose what we do in this world.
As long as we keep hiding, masquerading, and projecting
what is inside us, we have no freedom to be and no freedom
to choose.”

 

Debbie Ford

******

Being your truest self

Picture yourself as a woman

who speaks the words of her heart

rather than words to please others.

*****

Why do you stay in prison
when the door is so wide open?” 

― Rumi

She took new risks

 

When she stopped believing

 

in limitation,

 

she became an expression

 

of her truest self.

****

Every day do something that will inch you closer
to a better tomorrow.

Doug Firebaugh

 

*****

 

 

"I am always learning and growing"



Losing our essence

Who is the impostor?

The impostor is someone has lost their own identity.

They smile when they feel angry...

they fake excitement when they feel disappointment...

they say "yes" when they want to say"no".

As children, they lost their "wonder child"...

to become who they thought others would approve of...

in a desperate need for love and acceptance.

In adulthood...

they are still separated from their own needs...

continuing this pattern throughout their life.

This subject is close to my heart, having grown up in a home where love was scarce. I became a "good little girl" to get approval and to avoid consequences. I paid a BIG price for becoming that "good little girl" my parents wanted me to be. I disconnected from my authentic self. I lost my ability to trust my feelings. I lost confidence in who I was. It's not been an easy road back to finding the pieces of myself I left behind. I'm still working on it...

*****

There were always in me, two women at least, one woman desperate and bewildered, who felt she was drowning and another who would leap into a scene, as upon a stage, conceal her true emotions because they were weaknesses, helplessness, despair, and present to the world only a smile, an eagerness, curiosity, enthusiasm, interest.”

― Anais Nin

 

****

"I will be true to who I am"

Being yourself

A “good girl”…

doesn’t let you know when she’s mad or hurt…

seldom makes requests because she feels selfish for asking…

does everything she can to avoid feelings of being mean, insensitive, selfish…

doesn’t disagree or express negative feelings directly.

 

 

She learned this as a child…

as a way to fit in and be accepted.

She thinks making others happy

lessens her chances of being rejected.

 

But a good girl isn't happy herself…

 because she has to stifle...

 

 the essence of who she really is.

With determination…

she releases the old belief…

about being good…

learning how to be more real...

 

and most of all,

 

loving and accepting herself.

****

 

Courage is never to let your actions

be influenced by your fears.

 

~Arthur Koestle

*****

"I will be true to myself "

Helping others

A poem from Wayne Dyer's book- Change Your Thoughts, Change Your Life. It was written by Saint John of the Cross- a mystic from the 16th-century.

 

"A Rabbit Noticed My Condition"

I was sad one day and went for a walk:

I sat in a field.

 

A rabbit noticed my condition and came near.

 

It often does not take more than that to help... 

 

to just be close to creatures

who are so full of knowing,

so full of love that they don't...

chat.

 

they just gaze with

their marvelous understanding.

 

****

 

This was a gentle reminder that sometimes the best way we can help someone is to merely listen with our hearts. 

  shadows of the trees...

deep blue skies...

*****

"Happiness cannot be traveled to, owned, earned, worn or consumed. Happiness is the spiritual experience of living
every minute with love, grace, and gratitude."

Denis Waitley 

*****

 

"I will listen with my heart"



A new way of life

 

 

The Awakening
By Sonny Carroll

There comes a time in your life when you finally get it ... When in the midst of all your fears and insanity you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out "ENOUGH! Enough fighting and crying or struggling to hold on."....This is your awakening.

...slowly you begin to open up to new worlds and different points of view. And you begin re-assessing and re-defining who you are and what you really believe in...

You accept the fact that you are not perfect, and that not everyone will love appreciate or approve of who or what you are...and that's OK...and you take a long look at yourself in the mirror and you make a promise to give yourself the same unconditional love and support you give so freely to others.

...you stop maneuvering through life merely as a "consumer" hungry for your next fix...another pair of shoes or looks of approval and admiration... you recognize the importance of contributing rather than "obtaining" and "accumulating."

...you give thanks for the simple things you've been blessed with, things that millions of people upon the earth can only dream about - a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed, the freedom of choice and the opportunity to pursue your own dreams.

...you learn about love and relationships - how to love, how much to give in love, when to stop giving, and when to walk away...you stop lashing out and pointing fingers or looking to place blame for the things that were done to you...

You learn how to say "I was wrong" and to forgive people for their own human frailties. You learn to build bridges instead of walls...and at the same time, you eliminate any relationships that are hurtful or fail to uplift...  

Moreover, you learn to look at people as they really are and not as you would want them to be, and you are careful not to project your neediness or insecurities onto a relationship. You learn that you will not be more beautiful, more intelligent, more lovable or important because of the man on your arm or the child that bears your name...

...you stop appraising your worth by the measure of love you are given... You learn that the only love worth giving and receiving is the love that is given freely without conditions or limitations. And you learn what it means to love. So you stop trying to control people, situations and outcomes...

You learn that "alone" does not mean "lonely" and you begin to discover the joy of spending time "with yourself"...

You learn that life isn't always fair and you don't always get what you think you deserve, and you stop personalizing every loss or disappointment...

*****

 

 

You will either step forward into growth

or you will step back into safety.

 

Abraham Maslow

 

 

"I no longer play it safe. In order to grow,

I have to be willing to take new risks"

 

A shell in your pocket

A friend gave me this precious little box. The first thing I put in it was a
pink rock shaped like a heart that I found on a beach walk.

Have you ever noticed how certain things can twist your gut?

 

Personally, I do not like that gut-wrenching feeling...

 

 and try to avoid it as much as possible.

 

I used to ignore it. Yikes!!!

 

Here are a few of things I find gut-wrenching:

Movies that are scary or too dramatic. I don't like sitting on the edge of my seat waiting to see what happens next any more than I like getting on a roller coaster.

Guilt can twist me up. There are two actions I can take if I'm carrying guilt. One is to make my amends. The other is a little trickier because sometimes I feel guilty over crimes I didn't commit. In that case, I owe myself an amends by letting it go.

 

Worry can take me on a whirling ride. If I give my thoughts to fear, I will waste my precious life obsessing over things I am powerless over. Faith is always the better option.

 

Pushing myself to do more because I don't believe that I am enough...or that I do enough. I need to pay close attention to my needs; emotionally, physically, spiritually.

Analyzing life...spending zillions of pointless hours in my head trying out things I will never understand. I need to live in the present moment.

Hanging on when it's time to let go. Everything has a season. When the season is over, it's time for change.

*****

 

A faith is a necessity to a man.

 Woe to him who believes in nothing.

 

Victor Hugo

 

****

"I will avoid the pitfalls like worry, fear..."

Healing the past

 

Life is so good! But in the past, it felt hard, unfair...I was wounded...my perception was distorted because of that...the filters through which I saw the world was smeared with pain and suffering...I wasn't able to embrace my life at that time...I was blaming others, myself.

You don't see life as it truly is unless you're enlightened...our filters change what is real...our perception depends on past experiences...we become separated from the truth...the truth is that life is good...it here to serve us...pain is a necessary part of spiritual growth...we need it...yet we try everything to avoid it...we look for escapes through food, drugs, busyness, attracting chaos that keep us from looking at ourselves deeper.

It's only through surrender that life improves...when we stop looking for the quick fix...instant gratification...and we begin to seek wholeness...we change our old perceptions for a new truth...life is good...it always was and it always will be...perhaps our spiritual lessons began in childhood...that our childhood experiences were right for us in some crazy, mysterious way...no mistakes...just lessons...don't be a victim...see the good that came from it...open your mind...your heart so you may see how wonderful and perfect life really is.

 

*****

I wanted to capture the blue sky with my camera. It was breathtaking!

******

The man who views the world at fifty,
the same as he did at twenty,
has wasted thirty years of his life.

~ Muhammed Ali ~

*****

"I open my arms to life"