Hungry for acceptance

 

"I spent years having an empty affair with things and relationships that I thought were something, but turned out to be little more than nothing. Nothing was a force that took up residence in my life and refused to leave... As you can imagine, my affair with nothing was bloody, brutal, exhausting, empty, and left me lonely... Nothing is not a man... It is an illusion...a ghost, and not a friendly one. It's vanishing always left me with skid marks on my heart. So often my encounters with nothing have been connected to my need and hunger for love... I am grateful and relieved to have finally ended my romance with my hunger." 

Dr. Robin Smith

*****

 

Healthy love

 

Only when we've released the past...
 do we experience love. 
This means letting go of our old stories...
about hurt, disappointment, rejection.
If we don't, we bring our old baggage...
 into our relationships today.
 Instead of being open-hearted,
we tightly guard our heart.
 We have unreasonable expectations.
Over time, it damages the relationship.
Anytime we look for someone else to fix us;
to make us feel safe, lovable, happy,
we set ourselves up for problems.
 

*****
 



Friendships

My friend (Sue) next to her papaya tree...

******

Lissa's Personal Prescription for Relationships

 

Be willing to be vulnerable, expose my flaws and allow deeper intimacy through the connections that result when I give up the impossible quest for perfection.

 

Stop trying to save everyone I love. Love them unconditionally just the way they are...

 

Commit to filling myself first, so I'm full enough to help others.

 

Stop expecting people to read my mind and fully communicate what I want...

 

Make a list of all the people whose opinions I really value and then let go of caring about what everybody who is not on the list thinks.

 

Lissa Rankin, M.D. - "Mind Over Medicine"

*****

“A friend is one that knows you as you are,
understands where you have been,
accepts what you have become,
and still, gently allows you to grow.”  

― William Shakespeare

*****

 

Relationships

Caught him with his mouth full...

 

“Can the purpose of a relationship be to trigger our wounds? In a way, yes, because that is how healing happens; darkness must be exposed before it can be transformed. The purpose of an intimate relationship is not that it be a place where we can hide from our weaknesses, but rather where we can safely let them go. It takes strength of character to truly delve into the mystery of an intimate relationship...

 

Marianne Williamson

*****

Love this quote! Though I've invested years working on my intimacy issues, relationships still continue to baffle and elude me at times. I've made some progress. I now, have an understanding that to have an intimate relationship, I need to be patient, flexible, vulnerable, trusting, forgiving, and completely honest. I also have to be willing to face any fears I have of rejection or loss...

*****

The purpose of relationship
is not to have another who might complete you,
but to have another with whom
you might share your completeness.

~ Neale Donald Walsch ~
*****

A forgiving heart

Picture yourself as a woman

 

who may feel flattened at times, 

 

by judgment and rejection,

 

but she remains soft and vulnerable.

 

****

 

The real gold in a relationship is not just how well people get along with each other, but their commitment to sustain the relationship even when things are rocky...to weather the storms...to overlook pride...to forgive easily.
With our hearts, we look deeper than the mistakes that happen along the way...the misunderstandings, the hurt feelings...

*****

The mirror

Picture yourself as woman

 

who knew she contained every trait

she saw in others.

She knew she wasn't better

or less than anyone else.

 

*****

 

 

“All my life I've thought I needed
someone to complete me,
now I know I need to belong to myself.”  

― Sue Monk Kidd

*****

 

A moment I remember

The photo was taken by Kirsten Bole.

                                                      

The first homeless person I ever saw was over forty years ago.

I can still picture the old woman's weathered face...

her tattered clothing.

She touched a deep place in me...

a place of compassion.

I felt saddened by her circumstances...

and though we never spoke...

I felt a kinship with her in some odd way.

It was just a moment in time...

yet I still think of her after all these years.

Is there someone that left an imprint on your life? Maybe you helped them or they helped you...a simple smile...a hug...a kind word...

 

******

 

 

If you put your heart against the earth with me,

 

in serving every creature,

 

our Beloved will enter you...

 

we will be so happy.

 

Rumi

 

*****

 

"My purpose in life is to be of service"

Love and loss

I'm breaking anonymity this morning to express my gratitude for twelve-step programs and to tell you about my brother, Joey. Joey was a lovable crazy guy who lived life on the edge. This gifted, funny, incredibly warm-hearted man had the disease of alcoholism.

 

One of my most cherished memories of Joey is when my sister and I were visiting him at a treatment center in West Palm Beach. The three of us sat together in this beautiful serene chapel on the premises, talking about God. A monumental moment...

 

Five months later my brother was gone. He drowned...doing what he loved...scuba diving.

 

It was a huge loss, but I'm so deeply grateful for the precious months I had with him...he was sober...happy...had found God...died with some peace and dignity.

 

*******

 

Joey and his wife, Brenda. This picture captures his charm.

Joey preaching to my daughter Jody. Her journey with this disease was just beginning.

 

********

 

Don’t tell me how wonderful things will be some day.

Show me you can risk being completely at peace,

truly okay with the way things are right now in this moment...

 

Take me to the places on the earth that teach you how to dance,

the places where you can risk letting the world break your heart.

And I will take you to the places where the earth beneath my feet

and the stars overhead make my heart whole again and again.

 

     "The Dance" by Oriah Mountain Dreamer

 

"Because life is fragile, I'll remember to savor every moment"

 

Having healthy relationships

 

 My friend Meg, with her daughter and granddaughter Melissa and Lily.

Visiting family on the other coast, complete with new baby Nicolas.

****

 

 Without relationships, our hearts would wither. I'm not claiming to be a relationship expert,

but there are some fundamental things I've practiced with good success, which may be helpful.

Here are some:

Relationships should nourish, as well as, challenge you.

 

Be honest with your words.

Beware!!! It may get a little messy when you stop people-pleasing.

But messy is underrated. In the long run, it builds intimacy.

I'll let you in on a secret. Put my partner and I in a car together, we resort to acting like

five-year-old siblings. Our road trips entail a lot of harmless childish bickering and finger

   pointing. It's healthy for us to be free to play as children do, with each other.

Don't agree with someone to make them happy unless you want to lose their respect.

Be vulnerable. It's your most endearing asset.

Choose healthy people to have relationships with. You will then avoid unnecessary injury to
yourself later. Also, pick people you already like; then you won't feel a need to change them.

Give those you love, lots of room for error. Keep your heart soft and forgiving.

And most importantly, love yourself first.

*****

 

Our deepest wishes are whispers of our authentic selves.
We must learn to respect them.
We must learn to listen.

~ Sarah Ban Breathnach ~

****

 

"I will express myself with graceful honesty"

 

Finding a soul mate

      I took this photo in a gift shop. This is the owner's cat, but my cat (Pippi) is the same breed. I was never a cat lover until I got my first Himalayan. And then I fell madly in love!

                                                                           
                                                                                ******

I have a couple of friends who want to find their soul mate. I remember that feeling! From the time I got my first innocent kiss at 14, I was hooked! I fell in love with being in love. And I chased that feeling most of my life. I was on a search for the perfect guy.

I would say that I was successful three times. My ex-husband, who was the father of my children (he passed away) was a good man and great father. We were together for 23 years. Although I wouldn't call him my soul mate, I had the greatest respect for him.

The second time I was successful was when I met Jack, the man I'm with today. We've been together for almost 13 years. I have the kind of relationship with him that I always wished for.

But my greatest success story was finding myself. Looking back, my ache to find a soul mate came from a woman who felt incomplete. I was empty! I wanted someone to feel the hole in me. But that wasn't possible! I first had to learn to love and accept myself.

******

******

The purpose of relationship
is not to have another who might complete you,
but to have another with whom
you might share your completeness.

~ Neale Donald Walsch ~

                                *****

  "I'm wonderful just as I am"

Lessons of the heart

Another new one! Love being back in my creative space!

*****

Most of us have had someone who influenced our lives in a wonderful way. 

What we might call an little angel!

That's what my grandma Cora was. An angel!

She showed me what love, compassion, kindness, integrity and patience was.

She was the person I wanted to be.

She cared about people and loved helping them.

But not in way that said "look at what I'm doing". She wasn't looking to get anything back. 

She gave purely from her heart.

Grandma believed in God.

She would drag me to church every Sunday I stayed with her.

I'd try getting out of it by forgetting to bring my church clothes. But that trick didn't work.

She made me go anyways. I went to church many times in my shorts and t-shirt.

Thank goodness for grandma's stubborn side and her wisdom.

I will always treasure the special memories I have sitting next to her on the church bench.

 I can still remember the sound of her sweet voice singing hymns.

Her voice makes me weep with gratitude!

My childhood was difficult. My parents did their best to raise us,

but neither of them knew how to be nurturing and patient.

It was my grandma who offered me comfort.

She taught me that I mattered. That I was lovable!

I thought it was my responsibility to make my parents happy.

If I could just be a better little girl, they would show me love. But they couldn't!

I'm thankful to my grandma for loving me... 

 ...for being my teacher

...for showing my a way of life that was good

...for opening my heart to God

...for teaching me values 

...for shining the light of hope.

******

Pippi is happy I'm back creating too.

*****

If you cannot find happiness along the road,
You will not find it at the end of the road.

~ Author Unknown ~

"I'm thankful for all the teachers who helped shape my life"

Relationships can be messy

Soulful living means whatever you do, do it with all of your heart.

********

Our relationships, with both men and women, can be rewarding, puzzling, heart-warming, and aggravating, depending on the moment. I'm not claiming to be a relationship expert because I'm not. But there are some fundamental things I've practiced with good success, that might be helpful.

Relationships should nourish, as well as challenge us.

Be honest when you share.

Beware. It may get a little messy when you stop people-pleasing.

 But messy is underrated. In the long run, it builds intimacy.

I'll let you in on a secret. Put my partner and I in a car together,

we resort to acting like five-year-old siblings.

Road trips entail a lot of harmless childish bickering and finger pointing.

It's healthy for our relationship, to be free to play as children do, with each other.

Don't agree with someone to make them happy. 

Unless you want to lose their respect.

Be vulnerable. It's your most endearing asset.

Choose healthy people to be in relationships with, avoiding unnecessary injury to yourself.

Give those you love, lots of room for error. Keep your heart soft and forgiving.

And most importantly, love yourself first.

*********

I confess, I had to almost beg for this photo shoot. Jack was very reluctant to have his picture taken with a bunch of penguins. Who can blame him? But he was a good sport (though he did make a painful groaning noise this morning when I showed him his picture on my blog). Suppose he's having some regrets?

*****

Whenever you're in conflict with someone, there is one factor that can make the difference between damaging your relationship and deepening it. That factor is attitude.
- William James

******

"I'll be true to myself so as not to be false with others"