Firing the Pusher in Me

 When I think about all the years I have pushed my body, and the price I’ve paid time and time again, I’m not surprised that I find myself here again.

Another lesson in self-care.

Recently, I’ve been learning how closely connected that the nervous system is to the brain. I understand that what happens in my mind can affect my nervous system.

In other words, when I make poor decisions, it affects my nervous system. Overtime, the nervous system becomes very sensitive, which is where I’m at right now.

I thought I had become very mindful of these things.

I thought I knew how to listen to my body.

For years, I pushed through.

I kept going.

I took care of what needed to be taken care of.

I put my own needs somewhere down the list.

And my body kept the score.

Now I am being asked to listen differently.

Not when my body screams.

Before it has to.

I’m not willing to pay that price anymore.

This is not a lesson about how much I can endure.

Its is a lesson about how much I no longer need to endure.

And maybe, after all these years, self-care is finally becoming less about taking care of myself after the damage is done—

and more about loving myself enough to stop creating the damage in the first place.