The willingness to surrender

 

 

It may surprise you to know that most of your suffering has been caused by your thoughts and reactions. Strange as it may sound, it's true. Most people have been conditioned to be afraid, to not listen their intuition, to buy into the story that the world is not a loving, safe place that will support you, so if you want something, you have to take control and make it happen. 

 

You may feel that you always have to be on guard to protect yourself, which equates to closing your heart off. Because you are afraid and have not yet accepted that Life is wiser than you, you attempt to control your circumstances through struggle, force, and manipulation, all which will sabotage the very thing you desire.

 

As much as you may pride yourself on being smart, your intellect is not a replacement for wisdom. This is how ego tricks you into a another bad decision...thinking you know the right answer. 

 

Hopefully, suffering will wake you up from your futile attempts.
 

It is our nature to surrender when the pain gets great enough. Surrender means "I don't know the answers, I'm tired of trying to do it my way, and I am willing to give all the responsibility to a Power great than myself".

 

******

Life's precious gifts

The most precious gifts are the ones

we may have underestimated;

The ability to see your innocence,

dissolving all guilt from your life.

Eliminating chaos so only peace remains.

Knowing who you are

and being content with yourself.

****

Self-esteem

 

Picture yourself as a woman

who weeds out destructive behaviors like

blame, self-hatred, guilt…

She treats herself with the same respect

she extends to others.

 

******

A better life

 

We all need balance. What I mean by balance is that our inner life (how we feel inside) is as rich as our outer life. There was a time when my outer life looked very full and complete but inside I was bankrupt. I kept this a secret for many years, playing the game of "I'm okay". There came a time though, when I could still fool others, but couldn't lie to myself anymore. I had to get honest.

 

It has taken a lot of determination to move from the shallow pond into deeper, unknown waters. It has taken time to learn what loving myself means, to stop looking for others to complete me, and to quiet the ache in me that I had carelessly ignored for so long. I had fruitlessly sought happiness by filling my life with busyness, fixing others, achieving, striving, and hustling for love and acceptance. All which failed, over and over again.

 

It is only in finding the courage to be deeply honest with ourselves that we begin to face the truth about how we feel inside. Honesty is key that begins to unlock the door to freedom.

 

*******

Answered prayers

 

 

Patience is something I have to be mindful of when it comes to prayer. Though I have faith, in the past, I have found myself "making things happen" rather than being still and waiting. Yet I know from experience that my prayers have always been answered. Sometimes the hardest thing is to say your prayer, then let go of the results. Many times I have made the mistake of taking things into my own hands (of course I convinced myself that it wasn't my will)...and what a mess I usually made. These days I am being still and doing nothing, but it's not easy. However, trying to get my way no longer works either. I'm tired of hitting brick walls, which is usually where my will takes me. So for today, I surrender to the truth that there is nothing I need to do but breathe...

 

*****

Trusting life

 

Things I know to be true about life:

 

Nothing in life happens by chance.

Life is a series of beginnings and endings.

Nothing is permanent.

If you hold the things you love too tightly,

it will become a deep source of pain.

If you aren't willing to change and grow,

life will eventually bring you to your knees in surrender.

 

*****

 

 

As a bright little star fell from the sky,

a little girl ran barefoot across the earth

to catch it before it hit the ground.

The beautiful star glowed in her arms,

inviting her to bring it closer

to her little heart.

She grew to dearly love the little star,

but there came a day when she knew

she must return it to the sky.

It took great courage to say goodbye.

 

Nowadays when the moon is full

and stars are twinkling,

she longing looks to the sky

searching for the star

that shines the brightest,

for she knows this was once her star

and in some mysterious way,

always will be.

in memory of my daughter, Jody

Sitting in the emptiness

 

It's been awhile since I have posted so I have some catching up to do. First of all, I am in process of selling my place and buying a new one. Seven years ago I sold my home and joined condo living. What a freeing and peaceful experience that's been. But now I'm ready to move into a home again.

 

It was an adjustment at first, learning to live in a condo. I eventually did and I grew to love it. Now I will have to adjust to having more space and more responsibility that comes with a home.

 

What I want to share are things I am learning through this process of change. Part of the change has been sorting through and letting go of STUFF I don't want to take with me.. (photos, my books, artwork, craft supplies...). The rest of my possessions have been in storage for over a month so my condo is pretty empty except for basic things (bed, couch, clothing...). Surprisingly, I like the feeling of less...the emptiness.

 

Life has a way of bringing about change when it's time for us to release and let go. It obviously been my time for releasing people in my life because the Universe did a major sweep through my world, leaving me with what feels like a half-empty life. Several meaningful friendships have fallen apart this over the past year. I have spent a lot of time in shock, denial, and hurt before I could even faintly begin to find any acceptance or peace about what occurred.

 

 So here I sit in my half-empty house with what feels like my half-empty life... It's not a comfortable place, but my intuition tells me to trust it is GOOD. The emptiness is gifting me with a TRUTH which is this: it is in the emptiness that I am beginning to get glimpses of something that I have always wanted...connection, simplicity, honesty, and authenticity. I feel the aloneness but not loneliness. All the things I have spent my life chasing, trying to fill the hole in me, isn't an option anymore. It hasn't worked and it never will. In the emptiness, I get a sense of what is real and meaningful.

 

FYI- I wrote this a few months ago. I'm settled in my new home and love it. Still sitting in the emptiness...trusting the process...

Loving who you are

 

Most of us are flawed at the core of our belief system, otherwise we would see our "holiness". I don't mean this in a religious sense. For me, holiness means the Light that shines in everyone. Perhaps we knew at birth how beautiful and pure we really are, but society has conditioned us to believe that we must be a certain way, that we must be perfect, that who we are now is not enough. So we waste our lives striving to become something that is not real. There is nothing to strive for. We were born to shine...

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