I wrote this post more than two years ago. I thought it'd be fun to re-visit it...
Sept 16, 2012
In January, I declared this
year would be about freedom...freedom from fear of any
kind. As some of you know, I ended up in the hospital right after I made my brave
declaration. At first I was terrified. But on the third
day I had a profound spiritual experience. I still can't
articulate what happened, but I can tell you that I went from feeling
terror to a state of pure bliss. Here I was lying in a hospital
bed being tested, poked, and prodded, yet feeling completely content
and peaceful to be there.
Since then, I've had many
more opportunities to face fear. A couple of weeks ago I overcame my
fear of public speaking. I had lugged this one around since I was
13.
This morning I decided I'm
ready to work on my fear of road trips. Having FMS, I get uncomfortable being
in a car for periods of time. And because stress can make me sick for weeks, I
have avoided traveling. Now I'm ready to face it. I'm making some plans...
I also discovered I had
fear concerning love. My daughter's death rocked my
trust in love for a long time in deep,
unexplainable ways. Because my heart became so fragile, I wanted to
protect it. But to protect it meant to
be guarded. It was hard to see myself as guarded because grief had
also softened my heart and had given me more compassion. I've been
working on this. I can feel a big shift...changes...not feeling so afraid anymore.
This has been the most amazing,
transforming, challenging, awesome year. But my work isn't done. I have more hurdles to jump,
but fear no longer has me in it's clenches. I am freer than I ever have
been. It's made a huge difference in how I interact in the world.
******
