Giving Fear to God

 As I become more aware of my little girl, I can feel the fear she has carried for so many years.

It isn’t just a memory.

It feels alive within me.

Sometimes it feels as though her whole body remembers what happened, even when there are no words to describe it.

Every day, I am reminded of one simple truth.

Surrender is the only answer.

Not because we are weak.

But because fear has become too heavy to carry alone.

There have been seasons when I believed there was one more answer to find, one more book to read, one more therapy to try, one more breakthrough waiting just around the corner.

Today, I find myself in a different place.

I have tried so many things to help the little girl heal.

I have searched for relief from the physical pain that, in my experience, feels so closely intertwined with her story.

And for now, I have come to the end of what I know how to do.

Oddly enough, that doesn’t feel like defeat.

It feels like surrender.

Perhaps surrender isn’t giving up.

Perhaps it is laying down the impossible burden of believing that I alone must fix everything.

I think of the words, In God We Trust.

Trust isn’t only for the days when life makes sense.

Trust is choosing to place my fear into God’s hands when I have run out of answers.

It is waking up each morning and saying,

“God, this fear is too heavy for me today. I give it to You. Hold my little girl when I cannot. Teach her the safety she has always longed to know.”

Maybe that is enough for today.

Not to have all the answers.

Not to force healing.

Simply to trust.