Learning to Stop Bracing

 I am pretty certain I learned to brace very early in life.

I remember wondering what my parents might think, how they might react, and whether I had done something wrong.

I was always preparing.

Always anticipating.

Always trying to stay one step ahead of whatever might happen next.

Bracing became my way of protecting myself.

I didn’t choose it consciously.

It was simply what my little nervous system learned to do.

As I look back now, I realize something that surprises me.

I don’t think I ever stopped bracing.

It became so familiar that I didn’t even know I was doing it.

My body stayed ready.

Ready for criticism.

Ready for disappointment.

Ready for pain.

Ready for the next shoe to drop.

No wonder it has been so difficult to simply relax.

No wonder peace has sometimes felt unfamiliar.

One of the greatest gifts I can give myself now is not another explanation, but a new experience.

Safety.

Not just understanding the word.

Feeling it.

Teaching my body, little by little, that it no longer has to stand guard every moment of every day.

That feels deeply important to me.

In fact, I feel passionate about it.

I want my little girl to know that she is safe.

I want the woman I have become to know the very same thing.

I want both of them to know that they are deeply loved.

That they matter.

That they no longer have to earn their place in the world by staying alert, being perfect, or expecting the worst.

Perhaps healing is not about becoming someone new.

Perhaps it is about teaching my body what my heart has been longing to believe all along.

You are safe.

You are loved.

You matter.

And you don’t have to keep bracing anymore.