This past September, I celebrated 31 years in recovery.
When I first came into recovery, I had this crazy idea that I was going to be done doing the work in six months. Boy, was I wrong!
I’m still learning things about myself, even after all these years.
One thing that stands out to me right now is that I can still be naïve and impulsive, especially when I’m feeling afraid. Teaching that part of me to slow down, pause, and think things through carefully is still a work in progress.
For example, since my partner passed away, I’ve made some quick decisions when it came to getting things fixed around the house. I didn’t always take the time I needed to think things through, and I ended up being taken advantage of.
As I look at this pattern, I am recognizing that when the little girl inside me feels afraid, she wants to find a quick way to make the uncomfortable feeling go away.
I can have compassion for that part of me without letting her make the decisions. I can remind her that we don’t have to rush, that we have time to think, ask questions, and get another opinion. We don’t have to solve everything in the moment just because we’re uncomfortable.
After 31 years, I’m still discovering new things about myself. Maybe that’s what recovery is really about. Not reaching a finish line, but becoming more aware, more understanding, and more willing to keep growing.
And sometimes the most important tool is simply learning to pause.
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