from my book " Wish Upon a Star"
Nov. 5th, 2009
I had tons of guilt after my daughter died...guilt that I couldn't save her, that it was somehow my fault...as long as I can remember, I have carried guilt about something. Strangely, losing a child brought about a healing crisis for me.
My guilt was so profound that it forced me to stare guilt directly in the face...to look in all the dark places where it was hiding. It was wretched to face myself so honestly, but it also set me free.
Peeling back the layers, facing myself over and over, acknowledging the mistakes I made, forgiving myself again and again, helped me reach a deeper understanding about love, courage, forgiveness, and reconciliation/acceptance.
The thing about guilt is that it's relentless. It causes suffering. No matter how hard we may try to escape from it, it won't go away until we fully face it and make peace with ourselves.
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Your shame hides in many places - in anger, blame, denial, workaholism, perfectionism,
drinking, and anything else you compulsively engage in to make yourself feel better.
But if you could just learn to be vulnerable for one second, and open up to the pain,
you would find there's no place left for your shame to hide.
--Adam Appleson
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"I am free of guilt"
