Telling our story...

No one likes to talk about addiction.... It's a messy, shameful topic, but nonetheless, but most of us have been affected by this disease in some way or another, whether we want to admit it or not. 

I'm grateful that I am able to tell my story without shame and can use my experiences to help others... I'm grateful that I don't subscribe to secrets... Secrets are the cause of shame... I'm also grateful for recovery programs like AA and Al-Anon... They not only changed my life, but saved it... This disease doesn't discriminate... It doesn't care where you live, what kind of car you drive, or what your degrees are... And for those who have family members with addictions, it doesn't matter how much you love or try to help them, you are powerless. Having lost a child to this disease, I know this to be true...

I want to end by saying that this not just about addiction today... I'm also bringing to the light that it is our tendency to hide whatever we don't want the world to see... We pretend to  be okay, while we silently carry the burden of pain, fear, unworthiness, loneliness, guilt, shame... If we don't deal with our issues, we are forced to wear a mask... I did that most of my life. And I can tell you that it was more painful than telling the truth...

New rules

I spent a lot of my life...

 trying to color inside the lines, 

ignoring the God-given gift called "intuition",

playing by rules that make no sense to my soul, 

pleasing others rather than taking care of myself,

making myself small so others won't feel threatened. 

And in the process, I lost myself...

But when I got sick and tired of the old rule book, 

I threw it out and wrote a new one that goes like this... 

I am kind to myself,

I don't care to be perfect, 

I trust what my gut tells me, 

and I let myself shine...

Unconditional love

I bought an "earth box" for my herbs... It's amazing!
My plants are happy and thriving...

We will only try to change someone if we have an unconscious belief 

that there is something lacking in us that we can get from them.

But the truth is, we already have everything we need... 

When we give up our stories of lack, truth will seep into our soul 

and the love that we will offer others, will be unconditional...

Dealing with loss

My daughter Jody

My brother, mom, and me...

The last photo taken of Jody

 I've learned that life is fragile, often messy, 

unpredictable, and gut-wrenchingly hard at times... 

I've also learned that no matter what life brings,

it's up to me what I do with my pain, hurt, loss...

I can choose to see the glass as half-empty or half-full...

I can feel victimized by my circumstances or find the gifts...

I can find the courage to look pain fully in the face or run from it...

I can look for something to fill in the missing pieces of my heart 

so that I won't have to feel the emotional insecurity that comes from 

losing so much family, especially a child...  or build a strong foundation 

within myself so that I feel at peace with the emptiness...

This month marks ten years since my daughter Jody, died...

  I'm always reminded, especially around the holidays, 

that my parents, my brother, and my grandparents are gone too...

What I know to be true about loss is that pain heals, life goes on,

and in-between the sorrow, joy continues to be woven into the threads of life...

The faith to know...

Found this little guy in my garden yesterday.
Maybe looking for his dinner?

To be in harmony with life, we surrender ourselves to it.

Instead of managing fear by trying to control our circumstances,

we enter a sacred contract with life through faith.

The way to your soul

There is a beautiful path; one that leads to your soul.

But you may have to travel the difficult path first. 

Pain is often the catalyst that shatters ego/self-will.

It is only when ego is absent, the path can be found.

Little blessings

I love healthy food 

and cute plates...

Color your world with fun, kindness,

new adventures, yummy food,

and a good sense of humor...

Shining brightly.

There is so much beauty, goodness, and love in all of us, 

but unworthiness will cloud our view of this truth... 

In order to own the truth and let ourselves shine, 

we must meet and accept the parts of ourselves 

that we have denied, hidden, rejected...

A clean slate

Clean up the past until all that remains 

is a blank canvas for God to paint on...

Feeling supported

You will know that there is an abundance of love in your life 
when you no longer look for someone to give it to you...
Abundance doesn't depend on others... 
Abundance is a solid belief that you are lovable and 
that your emotional needs are always being met...

Soulfulness

 It is not the soul that looks for outside validation. 
The soul is content in it's own completeness.

It is the ego that looks for something to make itself 
feel good, happy, important...

A gift to your soul

One of the holiday cards I designed last year...

We can choose to be popular by pleasing others or we can find the courage to be revealing and honest. In other words, genuine... Being popular feels good, especially if we're hungry for acceptance. Being authentic may not get you the popular vote, but I can promise you that it will be more pleasing to your soul...

Waking up

There are those who wish to stay asleep and those who wish to be awakened... 
There is a price for either choice. If we remain sleep, we miss the true experience 
of what life is about, but in order to awaken, we must meet ourselves in the 
most intimate, honest way imaginable...

Finding peace

We have these fixed ideas about how life should work. 
We like things to go our way. We're fear losing control.
It's important to know that unhappiness, frustration, pain,
and anxiety are the result of our inability to trust life
and our lack of acceptance for how things are...

Changing old habits

from my garden

It is in dying to our old ways 
that we taste the joy of new freedom...