Pink is my favorite color. I usually put a splash of it somewhere.
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Just as I was getting ready to drift off to sleep last night, a thought popped in my mind. The thought was "I should work harder on lowering my cholesterol". I was reading a book earlier that mentioned heart disease. Boy, did my mind run with that. It kicked up fear. It's true that heart disease runs in the family genes and my own cholesterol tends to be a little high, but there was nothing to be gained thinking about this before sleep. Instead of letting go of my day, I tried quieting the fear by vowing to do more exercise, change my diet, blaa blaa blaa... This only gave the fear more fuel. Needless to say, I had a restless night. Had the same thought popped up in the daytime, I would handled it better, but nighttime is when I'm most vulnerable to letting fear in.
There was a time it would have felt shameful to share different aspects of my life with anyone. let alone post it on a blog site. Vulnerability used to be a dirty word. I thought if you really knew me, I would be judged and possibly abandoned. I wore a mask, letting you only see the parts of myself I thought you would approve of. What a lot of work that was. And it didn't make people like me more, it probably pushed them away because I was being kind of fake.
Do you wear a social mask? If so, are you willing to practice being more vulnerable today? If you do, I'm certain you will attract the intimacy you desire to have.
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My brother Joey, mom and myself. Joey was a gifted scuba diver, very well-known in the community for his talent. Sadly though, he drowned in a scuba accident 12 years ago. It broke our hearts, especially mom's. He was her baby. I don't believe she ever recovered from it. She joined him nine years later.
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"I love and accept who I am"
