Exploring Old Beliefs

 Today I woke up with a knot in my stomach.

I know why.

I am about to do some deep work, and my body seems to know it before my mind does.

Some of this work will be grief.

As I look back on my childhood, I don’t see only pain.

I remember the people who loved me and made me feel safe. I remember the joy of my hobbies, the simple moments when I could lose myself in play and imagination. Those memories are precious to me.

But they are not the whole story.

There are other memories that cast a shadow over them.

Memories that left me with beliefs I never consciously chose.

Somewhere along the way, I came to believe that I deserved punishment.

Today, logically, I know that isn’t true.

No child deserves to live in fear.

No child deserves to carry shame that was never theirs.

But childhood beliefs don’t live in logic alone.

They settle deep into the heart and nervous system, where they quietly shape the way we see ourselves and the world.

We were taught to be afraid.

We were taught not to trust ourselves.

We were taught not to use our voices.

Those lessons became familiar, even though they were never meant to define us.

Over the years, I have gently untangled many of those beliefs.

I have learned to trust my intuition.

I have found my voice.

I have discovered courage I never knew I possessed.

And yet, as I continue this journey, I can see there are still deeper layers waiting to be explored.

Surprisingly, that realization doesn’t discourage me.

It gives me hope.

It means there is still more freedom to discover.

More truth to uncover.

More of the little girl to love.

So today, I welcome the knot in my stomach.

Not because it feels good.

But because it reminds me that I am standing at the edge of another doorway.

And this time, instead of turning back, I am ready to walk through it.