Infinite possiibilities

We can let our experiences harden or soften us.
We can feel victimized by our circumstances or empowered.
We can curl up in defeat or stand as tall as the old, oak tree.
We can give in to fear or expand our courage.  
We can put up our protective walls or live compassionately.

Don't run when you feel hurt, inadequate, disappointed.
You have the strength to endure all circumstances.
Don't let your muscles weaken by running away.

We can use our circumstances to shrink our lives...
or create a life of infinite possibilities.
 We can not only endure life, but let it grow our wings.

 

*****

 

Loving what is

 

How can we live with compassion in a world that is fragile and precious, and at the same time, challenging? How do we keep a good attitude when we step on the land mines? When we experience the pitfalls? We do it by becoming skilled at seeing everything as a lesson of the heart rather than labeling our experiences as good or bad, right or wrong. Judgment blocks our natural ability to love others unconditionally. We judge because we're afraid. How do we overcome fear? By taking the time to offer comfort and compassion to ourselves. When the fear has quieted, our perception will shift.

****

 

Standing up to fear

If you have a deep fear of being alone, you'll betray yourself a thousand times.

You'll go blind when you're afraid to see the truth.
You'll go deaf when someone hurts you with their words.
You'll lie to yourself so you can stay in denial.
You'll play it small so no one feels threatened.
You'll ignore your inner voice, choosing ignorance instead. 
You'll hurt yourself rather than risk upsetting someone else.
You'll long for more, but will be paralyzed by self-doubt.
You'll waste your life living for others rather than yourself.

You'll be stuck here until you pull fear up by it's roots.
You uproot it by not acting out co-dependent behaviors.
You stop looking for others to fill your emptiness -
better to leave it empty than fill it with falseness. 
And you take a strong stand for yourself...
 and what you believe in.

*****

Childhood triggers

I'm always a bit surprised when I find myself falling back into the old groove of raw, childhood feelings. All it takes is someone or something to hit my trigger button. Before I'm even aware that it's a childhood trigger, an overwhelming surge takes over. It then, has to the potential to become an over-reaction to the given situation.

 

We all have triggers. It's helpful to understand your triggers. Blame and justification are two clues that let you know when your old crap has been kicked up. It's always helpful to process your feelings with someone who can give offer a better perspective and save you a lot of needless whirling around.

 

*****

 

The ups and downs

I've found blogging to be a double-edge sword. On one hand, I get to write about things that are meaningful to me. The flip side is it puts me in a vulnerable position because I am basically sharing the ups and downs of my personal journey. There are days when I'm excited to post and other times when I feel exposed. The days I feel reluctant, I push through it. Vulnerability is not something I'm willing to run from. 

******

The compulsion to please

 

Co-dependency can be tricky. I used to see myself as this kind, caring person who loved being helpful. There is truth to that. But I also see what a people-pleaser I am. I want everyone to be happy.

At one time, it was my mission in life. Yikes!!!

 

I'm grateful that today I have an understanding about why I made it my mission. At the root of this is fear. As a child, the only survival tool I had in a home where there was physical and emotional abuse, was to be a good girl...a people-pleaser. Of course, by the time I understood what my core issue was, the root was already deeply embedded.

Today I am still chopping away at the root...

As a child, my choices were limited, but as an adult, the only person's happiness I am responsible for is me. Honestly, it still feels a bit selfish to say that, but I know it's true.
 

*****
 

Compassion and gratitude

 

The spiritual journey is as much about wonder
as it is wretchedness.  
If everything felt good all the time,
you would become complacent and arrogant.
Cherish all your experiences.
The wretchedness teaches you compassion.
The wonder fills you with gratitude.

******
"...are you breathing just a little, and calling it a life"
- Mary Oliver

Your precious life

 

One day you will find yourself at the end of the road.
Hopefully you won't have been defeated by your insecurities.
You won't have wasted your precious life being strung out on
people-pleasing, perfectionism, crippling fear. 

 

*****

 

Love and acceptance

 

Why do we strive so hard to be perfect rather than seeing the beauty in our flaws? Somewhere in our lives we got the message that we weren't enough. As a result, we developed unrealistic concepts about who we should be. It then forced all the parts of ourselves that aren't perfect, into hiding. Our focus became trying to be more rather than accepting and loving who we are. 

 

******

 

A true warrior

A warrior looks at every aspect of their lives with honesty. 
A warrior seeks only to know truth. 
No denial, no sugar-coating, no blaming, no making excuses. 
Warriors are free because they've met and made friends 
with all aspects of their humanity.

********

"I assure you, I'm not put together at all. Nor am I broken.
 I'm recovering - finding the beautiful in the ugly and stitching it
into my life" - Rachel Wolchin

The first step

A lot of people have shame. It's the reason we wear social masks. It's the culprit behind our constant thirst for approval and validation. Shame is the reason we give up too easy or try too hard. We react to shame by making ourselves too important or being a doormat. We shame others or we tiptoe around people's feelings instead of directly communicating with them.

 

The way out of shame is to heal it. The way we begin our healing process is to first acknowledge we have shame...admitting it to ourselves and someone we trust. That in itself, is a huge hurtle because admitting shame will feel shameful. But we have to push through it. It's the first step. One that takes courage. When we share our shame, we may feel a mixture of things...relief, fear, embarrassment...That's normal.
 

We can prolong looking at it. We can deny we have it. We can run. But understand that it bleeds into everything we do, how we feel about ourselves, and our relationships with others.
 

****

Waking up

 

We're either asleep or mindful and awake.
Depending on what we choose,
we move towards freedom
or we live in a state of confusion.
We may unconsciously choose confusion
because mindfulness shines the light 
on all the things we're afraid to look at. 

****

"I believe in infinite possibilities"

The wound story

 

We all have underlining fears and insecurities stemming from our past.
No one totally dodges that bullet. I was deeply entrenched, as a child, 
in feelings of hopelessness, fear, and loneliness. These feeling can still
get triggered today.

It's been extremely helpful to know my "wound story" so that if it does
get triggered, I'll be able to recognize what is happening. If I forget to
pause and think, I'm apt to overreact to the given situation. 

 

*****

Strength and courage

 

The healthier we become, the more we'll notice the things that don't feel right

anymore. We aren't so easily seduced into playing it safe by denying our feelings. It
gets challenging at this point because now we are being called upon to take an action to correct what doesn't feel right. This is requires a pure act of bravery. And when we do speak up, we have to do it with the understanding that we may not get the popularity vote for it...BUT we have to do it anyways. Otherwise we have abandoned ourselves
once again, giving our power to fear.

 

*****

 

Running away

Many of us developed a habit of running away from our fears, insecurities, hurts, disappointments, unhealed wounds, feelings of guilt and shame. The problem with running is the harder we run, the more situations show up in our lives that mirror what we're running from. As much as we try to avoid looking at our stuff, there is no real place to hide. We only exhaust ourselves running in circles...

******