I’ve mentioned several times that I was raised in a home where fear was used to control us.
Fear was the bogeyman.
I learned to anticipate, brace, and walk carefully through life, always waiting for something bad to happen.
Now, all these years later, I find it interesting that the old fear has shown up again through my physical pain.
The details are different, but the feeling is familiar.
As a child, I feared punishment.
Today, I fear pain.
Would it come tonight?
Would it get worse?
Would I be able to sleep?
But something is changing.
As I move forward, my fear of physical pain has begun to lessen.
It isn’t gone yet, but I can feel it losing its grip.
Maybe the fear itself is older than the pain.
Maybe it is time to face the bogeyman.
Not fight him.
Not run from him.
Just turn around and look.
I can say to the little girl inside me:
I know you’re afraid.
You’ve been afraid for a very long time.
But you’re not that little girl anymore.
You’re safe with me.
I can feel pain without believing I’m in danger.
I can feel fear without obeying it.
Perhaps the bogeyman loses his power when we finally turn on the light.
And maybe it’s time to leave the light on.
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